How to keep jealousy from ruining your life

Screen Shot 2015-11-16 at 10.46.43

In my life I tried to be friends with all sorts of people, from all nationalities, colour, type, different characters, professions, way of thinking. After meeting so many people, I realised that there is a particular kind I really can not be friends with- the jealous type.

Having a 6 years older sister who is one of the highest achievers I ever met taught me a lot in life. More than anything it thought me that you should never compare yourself or be jealous of other people’s success, specially when you love that person so deeply much- you realise their success should be dear to you. As a child I would often compare my grades to my sister’s and it drove me to be better to get better grades that I normally would and to try do more. It also gave me a horrible, bitter feeling when I wouldn’t make it. I will never forget the day it all changed, it was in my 6th grade when I visited my sister in UK who was already at university.

I always looked up to her so much and thought how much better she is than me- in every possible way. Best student of the generation, best in extra curricular activities, best in anything you can think of. And me, I was just good, always an excellent student but nothing extra ordinary. On that occasion that I visited her in UK, she was making a poster- presentation of her paper that she was writing for months. She designed it several times, and when it finally came out in print, the size wasn’t perfect. It was slightly longer than she wanted it to be, but she was confused how to perfectly cut it, without losing the good composition, without making it crooked or without making a mistake. She stood over it for some time, and then I realised I could help. Without making the story so long – I made a little system, measured sides carefully, used a pad and a sharp scalpel and cut it for my sister. I was 12 and this was the first time that I was actually useful to her, and not the other way around.

Why am I telling you this? Thats when I realised that actually two of us aren’t competition. We are good for different things. None of us are competition, because we are so different. I am creative, I think out of the box and she – she has the best logic I could ever come across but isn’t always creative. We can not compete, because my essays in Serbian or art pieces were better than hers, and her maths or biology knowledge was just something I could never have. Even now being colleagues, I feel that there are parts of pharmacy that I am better at (even thought they are- trust me- very minimal).

Having an older sister helped me learn so much and become a secure, not envious person. I never felt bitter when other people got a better grade than me, I never felt jealous when someone else got a promotion instead of me, not because I am so good or anything like that, but because I couldn’t really handle the feeling of jealousy. I didnt like this bitter horrible feeling inside, so I decided to swap it for happiness. I knew that if I am happy for someone else’s success I will feel better and eventually even get success myself. Post graduating from Pharmacy degree at University of Brighton I had a lot of people try to diminish my success, saying things like “Its easy to get a degree in England”, or “That degree doesn’t even count”, to the extent where people would comment how I made it all up and that I actually only have a high school diploma. Why? Why would someone think of something so ridiculous? One word-jealousy. It made them feel better to tell these stories to themselves. Green eyed monster that is eating them inside, but leaving me in the same position as before. So who wins?

Nowadays I am surrounded by best friends who are exceptional! My friend Noor won several blogging awards this year, my friend Sandra, I mean have you seen how gorgeous and stylish she is? There is also my friend Victoria, one who is taking the blogger world by the storm and climbing to the very top of it so swiftly. If I was a jealous person it would be very difficult to be friends with these people. If they were too, I wouldn’t be able to tell them all the amazing things that happened to me this year. Its sad that I felt the ineed to write about this topic, but I feel that every single one of us had that one person in your life who just COULDNT be happy for the achievements we have. For the new amazing bag we got, or that A+ you worked so hard for. Its very toxic and difficult surrounding yourself with people who only enjoy hearing about bad stuff, but can’t praise you for being better than before.

The reason why I wrote this post isn’t because I feel like I want to preach, but because I had a hard time learning that having jealous friends is really horrible, and I realised that long ago, back in high school. I now almost every day hear stories of girls who find their friends are putting them down or try to minimise their success by saying something bad about it. To truly be happy you need to be happy for other people, to never try to diminish their success and thats when you will have success in your life too. Simple as that. World is an incredible place, but only when you get rid of the green monster living inside of you.

———————————————————————————————–

Za ovih 26 godina pokusala sam da budem prijatelj raznim ljudima, razlicitim rasama, nacionalnostima, religijama, profesijama, ljudima sa razlicitim nacinom razmisljanja. Nakon sto sam upoznala mnogo ljudi shvatila sam da postoji jedna vrsta sa kojom ne mogu da budem prijatej- to su ljubomorni ljudi.

Kada imate sestru koja je 6 godina starija i koja iza sebe ima ogromna postignuca naucite mnogo toga u zivotu. Vise od icega ja sam naucila da se ne uporedjujem sa njom, da ne budem ljubomorna na uspesnije od sebe. Kada nekog volite toliko mnogo onda shvatite vaznost radovanja tudjem uspehu. Kao dete stalno sam poredile ocene sa ocenama moje sestre. Ovo me je teralo da budem jos bolja, da ucim vise i da se trudim da budem kao ona. Takodje sam se cesto jako lose osecala ako ovo ne bih postigla. Osecala sam neku gorcinu i nezadovoljstvo sama sobom. Ovaj osecaj mucio me danima i nisam mogla savladati. Nikada necu zaboraviti, sve se promenilo kada sam posetila sestru na Uskrsnjem raspustu u 6. osnovne.

Uvek sam se ugledala na nju i posmatrala koliko je bolja od mene – u svemu. Najbolji ucenik generacije, najbolja u svim drugim, van skolskim aktivnostima, odgovorna i pametna. A ja, ja sam bila ok, uvek odlican djak, ali nista nadprosecno. Tom prilikom u 6.osnovne posetila sam je u Engleskoj, bila je na fakultetu i tada se spremala da odrzi prezentaciju jednog istrazivanja. Imala je poster koji je morala predati, a njega je dizajnirala danima, nekoliko razlicitih verzija i konacno ona prava kojom je bila zadovoljna. Nazalost poster nije stigao kuci onako kako je trebao doci, bio je pogresno odstampan, tako da tekst nije bio u sredini. Moja sestra je stajala nad posterom i gledala ga razmisljajuci kako da ga isece bez da poremeti ostale aspekte dizajna. Bojala se da ga isece, jer nije htela da bude krivo iseceno, ili pogresno izmereno. Bez duzenja ove price, priskocila sam joj u pomoc, napravila mali sistem, podmetac, postavila paralelne lenjire, uzela ostar skalpel i isekla ga bas onako kako je moja sestra htela. Sa 12 godina ovo je bio prvi put da sam se osecala kao da sam ja pomogla njoj,a ne uvek obratno.

Zasto vam ovo govorim? Tada sam shvatila da nas dve nismo konkurencija. Mi smo jednostavno dobre u razlicitim stvarima. Niko od nas ne moze da se poredi, pa ni rodjene sestre, jer smo svi dobri u necemu, ali na drugaciji nacin. Ja sam kreativna, razmisljam drugacije, a ona je neko sa jako razvijenim logickim razmisljanjem. Ne mozemo da se takmicimo jer su moji sastavi iz Srpskog ili crtezi iz likovnog bili mnogo bolji od njenih, a njeno znanje iz biologije i matematike je nesto sto ja nikada necu imati. Iako smo danas kolege po struci, imam osecaj da postoje neki delovi u farmaciji u kojima sam ja bolja (iako su – verujte mi – veoma veoma mali delovi haha).

Starija sestra mi je pomogla da upoznam samu sebe, da postanem sigurnija u sebe i nezavidna osoba. Nikada nisam osecala zavist kada su drugi ljudi dobili bolju ocenu od mene, nikada nisam osecala ljubomoru ako bi neko dobio unapredjenje umesto mene, ne zato sto smatram da sam dobra ili bolja, vec zato sto jednostavno ne volim osecaj ljubomore, nezadovoljstva, gorcine. Volim da budem srecna, zato biram da se radujem tudjem uspehu. Radujem se tudjim rezultatima i sama sebi kazem, doci ce i moje vreme. Na ovaj nacin osecam zadovoljstvo i srecu svakodnevno. Nakon sto sam zaradila diplomu magistra farmacije na Brajtonskom Univerzitetu, cula sam razne price i teorije o sebi koje nisam mogla ni zamisliti. Neki su rekli “Lako je zavrsiti fakultet u Engleskoj”, drugi su rekli “Ta diploma ni ne vazi” dok su treci imali razne teorije kako sam izmislila fakultet te da imam samo diplomu srednje skole. Zasto? Zasto bi neko osmislio tako nesto? Jednostavno, kako bi se oni osecali bolje, jer ih ljubomora izjeda. Ali dok njih to grize unutra, ja sam i dalje u istoj poziciji, pa ko mislite da pobedjuje?

U danasnje vreme okruzena sam prijateljima koji su neverovatni! Moja drugarica Noor osvojila je nekoliko prestiznih nagrada za blogovanje ove godine, moja drugarica Sandra, da li ste videli koliko je ona lepa, zgodna i uvek dobro obucena? Tu je i Victoria, devojka koja se neverovatnom brzinom penje u sam vrh blogerske industrije i nize uspehe kao niko do sada. Kada bih bila ljubomorna osoba nikada ne bih mogla da se druzim sa ovakvim ljudima. Kada bi one bile ljubomorne ja ne bih mogla da im pricam o divnim stvarima koje su mi se desile ove godine. Tuzno je to sto sam osetila potrebu da napisem ovaj post, ali uradila sam to jer mislim da je svako od nas imao nekad u zivotu tu neku osobu koja nije podnosila nas uspeh. Nove cipele, ili 5 iz matematike. Ovakvi odnosi su jako toksicni i teski, zato se nemojte okruzivati ljudima koji zele da cuju samo sta vam se lose desilo ove nedelje.

Nisam napisala ovaj post kako bih vam popovala, vec zato sto sam u srednjoj skoli prosla kroz iskustva koja su me naucila mnogo cemu. Sada skoro svakodnevno cujem price o “drugaricama” koje medjusobno ponizavaju uspehe svojih takozvanih drugarica i koje uvek imaju nesto ruzno da kazu o tome. Da biste bili srecni u zivotu, morate biti srecni zbog tudjih postignuci, tek onda ce doci i vasa. Veoma je jednostavno. Svet je neverovatno mesto ali tek onda kada se oslobodite zelenog cudovista koje zivi u vama.

Share:

48 Comments

  1. Marija
    Nov 16, 2015 / 7:39 pm

    Poucan post i prelijepa fotografija. :) <3

  2. Saša Rakovec
    Nov 16, 2015 / 7:47 pm

    Having a jelaous friends is horrible! Luckily I don’t have them (anymore)! It’s so important to be happy for the things your friends achieve an no one should ever make you feel horrible because you succeded!
    Xx

  3. Suncica
    Nov 16, 2015 / 9:13 pm

    I recognize myself in your post, Tamara. May I felt jealousy when I was younger, but not any longer. I also look forward for success which menage people who aren’t my friends and I’m always open to congratulate them. I’m so happy to be able to spend time surrounded by friends who are supportive me and I’m glad to hear that you have stunning and precious friends as well.

  4. Nov 16, 2015 / 10:47 pm

    Wonderful post and a great message. :)

  5. Nov 17, 2015 / 7:42 am

    this post is beautiful!

    ♥ Ellen

  6. Lucija
    Nov 17, 2015 / 8:35 am

    Odlican post!Obozavam tvoje Monday Confessions samo tako nastavi! Puse iz Hrvatske:**

  7. Nov 17, 2015 / 10:04 am

    Jealousy is THE worst trait to have. I loved reading this post & like you only surround myself with friends that can be happy for each other & celebrate successes with each other along the way.
    Hugs Adele xoxo

  8. Sandra
    Nov 17, 2015 / 2:05 pm

    Bravo, Tamara ti si divana osoba znati zgaziti svoj ego ne može svako,ali upravo je to kljuc ko smo i kakvi smo u stvari, čemu tezimo u životu dobru ili losem.

  9. Nov 17, 2015 / 2:25 pm

    This really hits home. I find many girls are the jealous type, and it is hard to find a friend that does not want to compete. It is so nice when friends are happy for eachothers’ success and accomplishments.. you are right on! xo
    Jamie http://www.jamieeverafter.com

  10. Nov 17, 2015 / 3:22 pm

    Predivan tekst! Svaka cast!

    popangelscloset.blogspot.com

  11. Nov 17, 2015 / 3:47 pm

    Jealously is something that thankfully most people outgrow as they get a little older, but many still don’t. Good for you for recognizing how toxic and pointless it is! Stick with the positive friends who uplift and never bring you down!

    xoxo http://www.touchofcurl.com

  12. Sahra
    Nov 17, 2015 / 4:30 pm

    absolutely wonderful lesson to keep in mind <3 that's how I feel about my boyfriend and I, or my friends and I! we're friends because we bring different things to the table when we're together!

    XO Sahra

  13. Nov 17, 2015 / 7:22 pm

    The only area that I have be jealous in is love but I have realised that it’s a waste of time. Among friends, I am not jealous; when something great happens to someone close, I am happy for them because it strenghtens my belief that good things can happen to me as well.

  14. Nov 17, 2015 / 7:25 pm

    True words! It’s so hard not to compare yourself to others, especially when you’re not where you want to be at in life or a particular goal. But it’s important to realize that everyone has their own path. And you’re right, we all have our own unique gifts. Thanks for the reminder!

    xx Yasmin
    http://banglesandbungalows.com

  15. Annais Ann
    Nov 17, 2015 / 8:01 pm

    Great post. Thank you so much for bringing me to tears. No, I mean it. You made me think of my best friend I ever had. I still love her so much but lately we’ve both been too busy for maintaining our friendship. She’s deeply in her new line of work, working very very hard and it is so important to her. On the other side, my working hours are changed and it’s very hard for me to find the free time to match her free time.. And so it is..
    We slowly growing apart.
    She is my best friend I ever had, actually the sister I never had. The only person who always felt nothing but most wonderful things for me, never bring me down, always pushing me forward.
    Thank you for your post.
    I’ll call my friend the second I finish this sentence.

  16. Nov 17, 2015 / 10:35 pm

    Great post! Jealously is such a weird and destructive thing and there are so many better way to be (and types of people to surround yourself with!). XO
    Lauren-Blair
    http://www.prefertobedemure.com

  17. Nov 18, 2015 / 2:14 am

    In the world of blogging and real life, jealousy is something that I can get easily swallowed in. But thanks for these tips, it is a good reminder to be grateful for what we have. :)

    xo,
    Abby of

  18. Nov 18, 2015 / 5:01 am

    great read! this is so true! thanks for sharing all these!

    v

  19. Mici
    Nov 18, 2015 / 8:54 am

    Prelepo! Hvala ti Tam Tam.. Jednostavno uzivam kad udjem na tvoj blog, na par minuta ne razmisljam ni o kakvim obavezama. Inspirises, siris ljubav i pozitivnu energiju. Znas koliko te volim! Poljubac, M ♡

  20. Nov 18, 2015 / 11:02 am

    Beautiful post! Totally with u!
    Chichistashan.blogspot.in

  21. Nov 18, 2015 / 4:16 pm

    I loved this post! It is a great lesson that not a lot of people truly understand. It is very hard to not be jealous of what we don’t have, and appreciate all the good that we do have! Thank you for sharing! I can’t wait to read more of your blog!

  22. Nov 18, 2015 / 8:21 pm

    Great post Tamara!

    I too, used to have a green eyed monster inside of me. When I was growing up, I used to get myself down because I felt that I couldn’t be as successful as some of my friends or as pretty etc.

    The most important one is that I have always felt stupid compared to my friends, some people I know often laugh at me and say that I am stupid or ditzy, which I probably am, but it has made me doubt myself and my capabilities.

    No-one believed that I could get a decent grade and in school, I failed because I believe this, but now, I have self studied whilst working full time and I am now working towards my Bachelor of Arts degree and I am on track to be awarded a high grade with honours, and I think it’s only because now, I have grown as a person and have decided to prove everyone wrong.

    So after that rant, I just wanted to say that I can truly relate to this post and it was a great post to read!

    Love Charlotte
    http://www.charlottelizabethblog.com

  23. Nov 19, 2015 / 11:15 am

    Wow, there’s so much truth in this post!
    I totally agree with you and I just can’t handle jealous people.

    The story of you and your sister is truly heartwarming, since I don’t have siblings and sometimes I kinda miss that feeling of learning something from a person you’re really close to…
    But I’m gonna make sure my children are having siblings they can learn from ;-)

    Thanks for you comment on my blog!
    Have a great day, dear!
    Anita xxx
    http://www.anischu.com/

  24. Nov 19, 2015 / 12:52 pm

    This is such a meaningful post! One of my brothers is an amazing pilot who has served our country and the other is a respected marine biologist, you can imagine that as a fashion designer/blogger I sometimes feel like what I do isn’t important enough. In reality we are just good at different things. I try to use my blog to promote healthy lifestyle choices and brands that are animal friendly/eco friendly etc. It might not be helpful in the same way, but I think it is something! Great post :)
    Xoxo
    Annie
    http://www.somethingswellblog.com/

  25. Nov 19, 2015 / 2:36 pm

    I relate with you because I have a 6 years older sister too. And… yes, I think that have an older sister is a good therapy against the jealousy, hahahaha.
    Great post,
    XO

    Mai

  26. ivana split
    Nov 21, 2015 / 12:15 am

    ljubomora je jedno veliko zlo i truje ljude…jednostavno nije normalno ne veseliti se uspjehu nekoga drugoga, pogotovo ako je to osoba do koje nam je stalo…ako se ne veselimo tuđoj sreći, onda si oduzimamo jedno veliko zadovoljstvo i ispunjenje koje donosi iskreno uživanje u sreći druge osobe.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

×

Never miss a post!

Sign up for the latest outfits and content direct to your inbox:

Your information is private.

Unsubscribe any time.