Few days ago I read really interesting and insightful post by one of my dear friends Victoria, who went into a lot of detail about the topic you can see in the title. I must admit, not only it got me thinking, but I also really wanted to write a similar post and address this really important issue in our industry. Not because I think that Victoria didnt cover it all, but because I think that now is a perfect moment.
I myself feel so lucky, as comparing to some of my friends I don’t receive a lot of hate at all. It comes in waves, and very very often from one same IP Address. Sometimes weeks pass without a single negative remark, and by negative I don’t mean constructive criticism, I mean trolling. But then there are the days when people who like to hide anonymously behind their computer screen leave many comments in short space of time, and this is what I would like to discuss today with you.
Let me take you to few years back when I used to find it hard even dealing with criticism. I used to tear up when my dad would tell me how I didnt do something well, or when my mum would tell my my hair isn’t having its best day. I guess there is also a way to say stuff, and parents (at least mine for sure), never have a perfect or kind way of suggesting you did something wrong, but love toughening you up, with these certainly special criticising skills. Boy have I changed! It feels like in only few years I am million times stronger, more realistic person who LOVES good criticism. Thanks to haters I also learned to differentiate what is criticism and what is pure envy, hate, or drama string.
In 21st century there are few different kinds of hate. The hate that is directed to your looks, like “you are too fat” or “Your eyes are too big”, to the personal ones like “You are a bad person” or “You are so selfish or egoistical”. I am not sure which one is emptier, people who NEVER met me in their life, and claim to know what kind of person I am, even though they never exchanged a sentence with me, or people who feel like its ok to offend other women based on their look, rather than empowering each other and being there to support one another?
In the world of Kardashians, not only it became so ok to discuss other peoples lives, choices and look, but it also became socially acceptable to judge them and give opinions about how wrong they were to do something- even if we don’t even know they actually did it. People also think its ok for them to judge other peoples actions, even thought they never found themselves in even a similar situation.
On my blog, you will NEVER see drama. While blogging, for last 6 years, I went through a lot, from existential crisis, to having a big hart break that took very long to heal. Not once I spoke about any of those issues. My blog is not a reality drama, if you are looking for that, you might want to find another blog to follow.
My blog is a place in which I want to share Fashion, Beauty and Self-Development tips. Its a platform on which every piece of information I put should help you get motivation to become better. Unless they have something useful to say, why would people want to spread negativity? It only stays with them and after commenting doesn’t make them feel better, I am sure.
So why would people focus on negative stuff and try to stir up drama, or ask personal questions and give their judgements if they know I will never talk about things like that? You tell me. I remember I discovered few months ago how crazy peoples imagination is when someone asked me why won’t I show my boyfriend on the blog? Is it because he has another girlfriend on the side? Wow!
My best tip to you on dealing with hate is knowing firmly who you are. People can never pleased, and a bit of hype can only help your popularity. Do not try and fight the rumours, do not try to justify yourself, you are just adding fuel to the fire. Smile, be happy, be generous and forgive. Forgive to people who spread rumours, and forgive to haters, they truly love you a little bit to much. But to you, my lovely readers I can just suggest to never let anyone’s negativity get to you. You build your own happiness and you should never believe everything you hear on internet. Specially from people who just love creating hype and drama. Wishing you a lovely Monday and a beautiful week full of positivity!
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Pre nekoliko dana procitala sam fenomenalan post koji je moja drugarica Victoria napisala na svom blogu, pricala je o temi koju vidite u naslovu. Moram priznati da je u meni pokrenula lavinu misli, ali me takodje navela da napisem slican post i obratim vam se o ovom delu nase industrije. Ne zato sto mislim da Victoria nije sve rekla, vec zato sto mislim da je sada idealan trenutak da to ucinim.
Smatram se jako srecnom jer u poredjenju na moje prijatelje ne dobijam mnogo mrznje na blogu i drustvenim mrezama. Dodje to u talasima, veoma cesto sa iste IP adrese. Ponekad nedelje prodju bez negativnih opaski, a kad kazem negativnih, ne mislim na konstruktivne kritike vec na takozvane internet trolove. Dodju tako dani kada ljudi koji se kriju iza anonimnosti svojih kompjuterskih ekrana osete potrebu da ostave gomilu komentara u malom vremenskom periodu i o tome cu vam reci nesto vise danas.
U 21. veku postoji nekoliko razlicitih vrsta online mrznje. Ruzni komentari upuceni vasem izgledu, poput “Predebela si” ili “Oci su ti prevelike”, pa do onih licnih kao sto su “Ti si losa osoba” i “Jako si sebicna i egoisticna”. Nisam sigurna koji od ovih komentara ima praznije znacenje,kada vam neko ko vas ne poznaje i ko u zivotu nije progovorio rec sa vama komentarise licne osobine ili kada zene vredjaju izgled drugih zena, umesto da jedna drugu podrzavaju i obogacuju lepim recima?
U svetu Kardašjiana ne samo da je postalo ok razgovarati o tudjim zivotima, izborima i izgledu, ali je postalo i drustveno prihvatljivo davati misljenja na temu koliko su pogresili u ovoj ili onoj odluci, osudjivati njihove akcije, cak i ako nemamo pojma o zivotu tih ljudi i ako nikada nismo bili u slicnoj situaciji. Gadjati nekoga kamenom, iako smo i sami gresni nas vraca u…pa znate i sami Biblijsko doba.
Na mom blogu NIKADA necete videti dramu. Za vreme poslednjih 6 godina i od kako sam otvorila blog, prosla sam kroz mnoge poteskoce, od onih egzistecijalnih do slomljenog srca kome je trebalo mnogo vremena da zaceli. Ipak, nikada vam nisam spominjala te situacije. Moj blog nije reality program, nije drama, ako to trazite, morate naci drugi, neki koji o tome pise.
Moj blog je mesto na kom zelim da pisem o modi, lepoti, samonapretku. To je platforma na kojoj svaka informacija koju plasiram treba da vas inspirise i motivise da radite na sebi. Osim ako imaju nesto pametno za reci, zasto ljudi zele da sire negativnost? Ove vibracije samo ostaju sa njima i svakako im ne olaksavaju situaciju, cak i nakon izrecene mrznje.
Dakle, zasto se neki ljudi fokusiraju toliko na tudje zivote, na zakuvavanje drame, zasto ljudi imaju vremena da osudjuju ostale kao da su oni savrseni? Na to nikada necu imati odgovor. Secam se da sam i sama otkrila beskonacnost ljudske maste kada mi je neko napisao da je ubedjen da ja ne pokazujem svog momka na blogu zato sto on sigurno ima jos jednu devojku! Wow!
Moj najbolji savet za vas, ukoliko se i sami borite sa negativnoscu, je da silno verujete u sebe i poznajete realno svoje osobine. Ljude nikada necete zadovoljiti, a graja nece naskoditi vasoj popularnosti. Ne trudite se da poricete traceve, ne opravdavajte se iako znate da niste krivi, to je samo dodavanje ulja na vatru. Nasmejte se, budite srecni, velikodusni i oprostite. Oprostite ljudima koji sire traceve, oprostite hejterima i verujte mi da oni pricaju o vama jer vas vole malo vise nego sto i sami mogu da podnesu. Ali vama, mojim divnim citateljima zelim da ne dopustite da negativnost dodje do vas. Sami gradimo svoju srecu i ne treba da verujete svemu sto cujete na internetu. Pogotovo ne stvari koje cujete od ljudi koji vole da zakuvavaju i na taj nacin podizu svoju popularnost, oprostite im, jer ponekad je za njih to upravo jedini nacin da postignu bilo kakvu online popularnost. Zelim vam divan ponedeljak i prelepu nedelju punu pozitivnosti.