How to Push Past Failure || Monday Confessions

you-try-you-fail-you-try-you-fail-the-real-failure-is-when-you-stop-tryingI think that one of the best virtues of successful people is that they easily overcome failure. Bad things happen, but they immediately get up, get back on track and don’t mind falling many times, as long as they start pursuing success right after. It doesn’t matter if its personal of professional success, but people who can cope with failure and face it are happy people.


You all know that if life throws lemons at you, you should totally make a lemonade out of them. We often start fighting those lemons, we feel sorry for ourselves, dwell over the fact that lemons are only coming our way, instead of saying “Ok so let me catch these lemons, hold them firmly in my hand just to sweet is it that I can make out of them”.

I am someone who has endured both professional and personal failure at some point in my life. I think we all have, and I cannot tell you right now which one is worse. There are many feelings involved which often makes it harder to actually see objectively and practically what is happening and what to do.

Let me give you an example. A broken heart can often feel like a failure, whether you got betrayed, broke up with someone you love a lot, or lost someone you are close to it can feel like a personal failure. Rule number one is always to understand that it takes time. Do not feel like you are the only person in the world going through that, as that is most definitely not true. Having personal problems, or broken heart can particularly be difficult in a job I do. Long ago I decided not to share private problems, as my blog and social media is happy place. I will not be sharing sad and disturbing things there, as no one really cares if I am going through a difficult time or not. People usually visit blogs because they want to get inspired and cheered up, not other way around.

Professional failure somehow doesn’t hurt as much, but it can be pretty difficult too. If you didn’t get a job you wanted, you get fired, fail an exam or don’t perform as well as you wanted, failure can not only impact your mood but your self esteem too.This is what I really want to talk about. How not to let failure affect your confidence.

My tips are:

-Accept what happened. The longer you keep onto “what could happen” and “coulda woulda shoulda”s, you are likely not to be able to move on. So be realistic, burry the emotions, and just accept its difficult but it happened. Time to rebuild.

-Talk about it. Talking to people who sincerely care about you is the best. I always turn toy sister, she is my best friend, she knows me very well and wouldn’t just tell me “everything will be ok” even if she doubts it. I can bore her with my problems for days on and on, and she will never give up on me. Talking is important as you let out all the emotions by actually dealing with them.

-Challenge yourself with doing it again. This is something I learned when I learned how to ski and I will never forget it. If you fall and hurt yourself, get back up and immediately do it again. The longer you postpone the more likely you are to lose confidence and to be worried about it. So if you fail that exam, then get back to studying immediately, if you get fired, look for a new job straight way. Don’t get discouraged by failure.

-Focus on the positive. The more positive your thoughts are, the more positive the outcome will be. Sometimes it can be really hard to focus on the positive, but just try to find something that will make you feel better about the situation. Don’t hold the grudge as that will just make it more difficult for you.

Failure is part of everyone’s life, but the better you learn to deal with it, the more likely you are not to perceive many thing as failure. There are two kinds of people, ones who think of every little thing as a huge failure and other who are looking on it from a different perspective and thinking every failure is a good lesson. Which type are you going to be?

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Jedna od najvrednijih osobina uspesnih ljudi jeste da lako prebrode neuspeh. Lose stvari se dese svima, ali uspesni ljudi odmah ustanu na noge, vrate se na svoj put i nije im problem da koliko god puta padnu i dalje vijaju svoje snove. Nije bitno da li govorimo o licnom ili profesionalnom uspehu, ali ljudi koji znaju kako da se suoce sa neuspehom su srecni ljudi.

Vec znamo da ako zivot baci limun u nasem smeru, najpametnije je da od njega napravimo limunadu. Cesto umesto toga probamo da se borimo sa kiselim limunom, da sazaljevamo sami sebe, da zalimo nad tuznom sudbinom umesto da kazemo “Ok, daj da uhvatim taj limun, cvrsto s obe ruke, i vidim sta sve mogu da napravim od njega”.

Ja sam neko ko je prosao i kroz licni i kroz profesionalni neuspeh u nekim momentima u zivotu. Mislim da smo svi imali takve trenutke i ne mogu da se odlucim koji neuspeh je gori. Mnogo osecanja je umesano sto cesto situaciju cini mnogo gorom i tezom. To su trenuci kada ne shvatamo sta se desava objektivo vec iracionalno donosimo odluke i zakljucke.

Da vam dam primer. Slomljeno srce moze da se cini kao licni neuspeh. Pogotovo ako ste iznevereni, prevareni ili ste jednostavno izgubili prijatelja iz svog zivota. Pravilo broj jedan je da shvatite da za sve to treba vremena. Ni u jednom trenutku niste jedina osoba koja prolazi kroz teske situacije. Licni problemi su pogotovo komplikovani u poslu kojim se ja bavim, jer su moj blog i drustvene mreze kako ja to nazivam “srecno mesto”, tu ne delim nikakve teske trenutke i licne situacije jer mislim da to ljude ne zanima. Svi mi imamo dovoljno svojih problema da bi posecivali sajtove na kojima moramo da citamo o tudjim. Moj blog je mesto za inspiraciju i raspolozenje, ne obrnuto.

Profesionalni neuspeh ne boli kao licni, ali je jako komplikovan za suocavanje. Ako niste dobili posao koji ste zeleli, otpusteni ste, niste polozili ispit ili jednostavno nemate rezultate kakve biste zeleli. Neuspeh na poslovnom polju ne utice samo na vase raspolozenjevec i na samopouzdanje. Ovo je ono o cemu zelim da pricam sa vama. Kako da ne dozvolite neuspehu da odnese vasu veru u sebe.

Moja saveti su:

-Prihvatite sta se desilo. Sto duze gledate razlicite scenarije u glavi i premotavate sta se desilo gore ce vam biti. “Sta bi bilo kad bi bilo” je u ovom slucaju vas najgori neprijatelj. Bitno je nastaviti dalje a jedini nacin da to uradite jeste da prihvatite sadanjost. Vreme je za ponovnu gradnju onoga sto ste izgubili.

-Pricajte o tome. Razgovor sa ljudima kojima ste bitni je jako dobar. Ja se uvek obratim mojoj sestri, jer osim sto mi je najbolji prijatelj, zna me jako dobro i ne bi mi samo rekla “ma sve ce biti ok”. Njoj mogu da dosadjujem danima o mojim problemima i ona nikada ne odustane od mene. Razgovor je bitan jer tada mozete da oslobodite sve emocije koje drzite zakljucane u sebi.

-Postavite sebi izazov da krenete ispocetka. Ovo je nesto sto sam naucila pre mnogo mnogo godina kada sam ucila da skijam. Ako padnete, odmah ustanite i probajte opet. Sto duze odgadjate teze ce vam biti jer su sanse velike da cete zbog straha izgubiti i samopouzdanje. Ako ste pali taj ispit, vratite se ucenju odmah i polozite ga u vec sledecem roku. Ako ste dobili otkaz odmah trazie novi posao. Ne dozvolite neuspehu da vas porazi.

-Koncentrisite se na pozitivnu stranu. Sto su vam misli pozitivnije, pozitivniji ce biti i ishod dogadjaja. Ponekad moze biti tesko primetiti pozitivnu stranu, ali probajte da nadjete nesto zbog cega cete situaciju prihvatiti malo lakse. Nemojte biti sujetni i ljutiti se, jer ce ovo samo otezati stvari.

Neuspeh je deo svacijeg zivota, ali sto se bolje snadjete u ovim situacijama manje cete imati i neuspeha. Postoje dve vrste ljudi, oni kojima je i najmanja stvar neuspeh i oni koji na sve to gledaju iz drugog ugla i na neuspeh gledaju kao na lekciju. Koja vrsta vi zelite biti?

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10 Comments

  1. May 25, 2015 / 6:38 pm

    Great article! I posted something very similar to this on my blog last week. Failing can be such a huge motivation to keep going, to learn from mistakes, and to prove to others you are not a quitter.

    Ps- I just started a new blog. It’s called Mildly Moody and its aimed towards female entrepreneurs and career IT girls. Perhaps you can take a look when you get a chance?
    Now following you!
    Xoxo, Cori

    http://www.mildlymoody.wordpress.com

  2. Sasha
    May 25, 2015 / 7:54 pm

    Great tips! On of my favorite quotes on this topic is: Fall down 7 times, stand up 8!
    xx

  3. May 25, 2015 / 8:20 pm

    Prelepo napisano!
    Molim te da mi oprostis sto sam ti picala svakakve reci povodom Zorane i sto nisi odmah otisla do nje…
    Reci mi da mi oprastas molim te!!! :-(

    • Bonsai
      May 27, 2015 / 6:25 am

      Jako je bilo ruzno to sto su mnoge devojcice tako nesto pisale ispod njenih objava. Smrt je sastavni deo zivota, a ni u jednom trenutku nisam ni pomislila da je zorana ostala sama bez podrske prijatelja. Tamara verovatno nikom nista nije zamerila, vidim kakav je covek. Dusa :)

  4. May 26, 2015 / 9:40 am

    Great subject & post Tamara, I love your Monday confessions. I used to be terrible at accepting failure, mainly because my Father would accept nothing but the best & this put so much pressure on me. As I’ve got older & grown as a person I have learned that it’s okay not to be THE best & that making mistakes & failing is all part of learning.
    Hugs Adele xoxo

  5. May 26, 2015 / 10:46 am

    just perfect!

    Never Ever Stop Trying, that´s a really important message!

    Learn From Your Mistakes, that´s the next one! :)

    Thank you so much for this great, inspirational post tamara!

    Lovely regards
    Ina
    http://www.ina-nuvo.com

  6. May 26, 2015 / 12:00 pm

    Great post
    Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
    Confucius
    Chichistashan.blogspot.in

  7. Ivona
    May 27, 2015 / 3:34 pm

    “The real failure is when you stop trying!” Svima s vremenom treba ovakav podsjetnik. Drago mi je sto siris pozitivu i sto je tvoj blog puno vise od modnog bloga. :)

  8. Bren
    Jun 2, 2015 / 9:57 pm

    Hi!
    I’ve been following your blog through bloglovin for a while now, but this is the first time I comment. Why? Because I needed to thank you. Tomorrow I have an exam and I was having a bad time because I thought I couldn’t passed it. But your post just gave me strength! Even if I fail, I won’t stress out about it, I will study harder next time. I just needed a reminder of that.

    Thanks! xx

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