How to say NO || Monday Confessions

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Saying NO to one too many purchases is also good sometimes!

As end of the year is approaching I am making a very long list of my goals and resolutions for the next year. It feels kind of strange since there is already way too much for me to do in the next year, but one if the main things is to learn to say NO wothout feeling uncomfortable.


This is something I have been struggling since forever from “Can I borrow your phone” at the age of 14 to “Can you help me with this fashion dillemas i have” currently. Sometimes I just have no time or will or energy and even though my heart is saying No, my mouth still makes that annoying affirmative sound-yes! Why am i doing this to myself? Why do we committ to things and end up not sleeping or stressing over something stupid.

I am going to learn to say No and here is why I think its the most important thing to learn as soon as possible.

I got inspired for this post by watching one of my favourite youtubers and dear friend-Patricia Bright’s video, she really hit the nail on the head and I wanted to talk more about my experience here. I have blamed my parents for this, telling them that whole of my life they thought me to accommodate other people. I would always go out of my way to help others because “thats nice thing to do” or waste a lot of time around people who have nothing to do in life just because I didn’t know how to say no. Eventually I realised that it isn’t my parents’ fault for teaching me to be good to everyone, its my own fault for not being nice towards myself by not being able to protect myself with a simple two letter word.

You might be confused about what am I referring to here, and I am sure you have all been in the same situations, when people ask you to stay longer, to come earlier, when they reschedule, ask to borrow things, when they ask for help or ask you to go out with them even when you have so many other things to do and really can not say yes, but you still go against yourself, say yes and spend some time wondering why did you put yourself in that situation, that is the type of no you really need to learn to say, and so do I.

When I was 17 I was finishing high school, I knew that in few months time I will be moving to England and was making the most out of my time with friends. I had all of my grades sorted and was going out quite a bit. At one point I was so exhausted, I was going to school, preparing for university, I had separate English lessons, German lessons, trained sports and had quite a busy social life in the little remaining free time. I realised I got really tired of going out on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, because when my friends were sleeping whole morning in the weekends, I would be running around from one extra lesson to another. Still, when they would call me to go out, or beg me to join them as they needed me to be there I would have such a hard time saying no.

This might not sound so sinister, but eventually I felt so exhausted that my mum took me to the doctor. And as you can imagine, stress and the pretty hectic lifestyle got me to become really anaemic, as my iron count was under 2, where it should be at least 12 for a woman.

When people ask us for favours, we never really say no. People tend to say “I would, but….”, in other words we always feel like we need an excuse to say no, when we just don’t feel like it. I realised that making excuses is not the best practice, because people find a way to make it happen another time. So if you say “I am really sorry but I can’t help you this afternoon since I am babysitting”, they can always ask “What about tomorrow?”…In the end you will be inclined to do what you possibly don’t want to do, and there you are at the square one.

Is it really that bad to say NO to someone? Since we are a sociable kind we think its rude and aggressive to simply say no. But think about it, how many times did someone say no to you?

In general you have to learn to be a little bit selfish. This is where I struggle the most, but I realised that if you don’t people will really use you in every possible way. So when I still worked in a pharmacy and was supposed to manage people I realised that my kindness was often mistaken for weakness and people would go to me to ask if they can have a day off, just because they knew I am most likely to say yes, and put myself in trouble by working with few people down.
While I was the apprentice I would usually be asked to do the most boring jobs or to fulfil the hardest prescriptions because none else would say yes to those.Ok, I learned a lot out of it, but I hated myself for not being able to say no. This is why it had to change.

Nowadays people ask or all sorts of things, if I can put a photo with them on instagram, if I can advertise items on the blog for them, if I can try and promote them so they gain more followers, and to be honest that made it so much easier to learn to say NO. After all, people should not even be asking those things, so if they aren’t embarrassed to ask, I am not embarrassed to say NO.

There are some things you can never have back, one of them is your time. Your time is precious and you can’t waste it by not knowing how to say no. Value yourself, respect your time, and others will respect it too. Do what you want to do to have the better quality life, don’t explain or apologise, because after all its absolutely fine to say no, that is why the word exists.

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Posto se blizi kraj godine, pravim poduzu listu svih ciljeva i odluka za sledecu godinu. Vec mi je malo neobicno jer ima toliko toga sto zelim da naucim ili promenim u 2015.,ali jedna od glavnih stvari je da naucim da kazem NE bez da se osecam neprijatno u vezi mog odgovora.

Ovo je nesto sto mi je uvek predstavljalo problem, jos od onog “Da li mogu da pozajmim tvoj telefon” sa 14 godina, do trenutnog “Da li mozes da mi posvetis vreme i pomognes oko svih modnih dilema”.Ponekad nemam vremena ili energiju za sve sto ljudi oko mene traze, ali iako moje srce govori ne, potvrdna rečca sklizi iz mojih usta. Zasto to radim sebi? Zasto pristajem na stvari zbog kojih necu uspeti da obavim sve sto sam zelela i sada ispastam zbog toga?

Naucicu kako da kazem NE, a vi nastavite da citate o mojim iskustvima ako vas zanima zasto mi je to toliko vazno.

Dobila sam ispiraciju za ovaj post gledajuci video moje drage prijateljice i youtuber-ke pod imenom Patricia Bright zaista je pogodila zicu kada je pricala o svom iskustvu u videu, pa sam ja odlucila da prosirim temu. Uvek sam krivila svoje roditelje za ovo, govorila im da su oni krivi jer me ceo zivot uce da se prilagodim drugima, da svima pomognem i da ne odbijam ljude. Cak iako mi to nije bilo ni malo zgodno u proslosti bih bez obzira na okolnosti pomagala ljudima, jer je to “lepo”, a ponekad i gubila previse vremena i truda na ljude koji nemaju nista da rade dok mene ceka milion obaveza kod kuce. Samo zato sto nisam umela da kazem NE. S vremenom sam shvatila da nije krivica mojih roditelja sto sam ja takva, vec da sam kriva upravo JA, jer ne umem da se zastitim i da biti dobar prema ljudima podrazumeva biti dobar i prema samoj sebi te ponekad reci ne.

Mozda ste malo zbunjeni o cemu ja ovde govorim, ali sigurna sam da ste svi bili u slicnim situacijama, kada vas ljudi pitaju da ostanete duze, da dodjete ranije, kada menjaju vas raspored, traze da pozajme stvari, kada vas pitaju za pomoc ili da izadjete sa njima, a vi zaista nemate vremena, ali iako zelite da kazete ne, opet kazete da, ovo je tip situacija o kojima vam pricam. Vreme je da i vi i ja naucimo da je reci ne sasvim ok.

Ne znam da li sam vam o ovome pricala ranije. Sa 17 sam zavrsavala srednju skolu, imala sam gomilu obaveza oko selibde za Englesku, fakulteta, isla na dodatne casove iz Engleskog i Nemackog, isla na casove voznje, trenirala ples 4 puta nedeljno i naravno imala mnogo toga u skoli, kao i pripremnu nastavu za fakultet. Osim toga, drustveni zivot mi je bio prilicno aktivan, cesto sam izlazila i sve ovo bilo je dosta naporno. Cesto sam bila umorna,ali uprkos tome nisam stajala. Kada bih ugrabila jedan dan da se odmorim, drugarice bi me zvale da idemo napolje u izlazak i ja bih uvek rekla da ma koliko umorna a ponekad i bolesna bila. Moje drugarice bi prespavale vikend, dok bih ja grabila 3 sata sna posle izlaska i onda trcala sa jednog na drugi dodatni cas kako bih zavrsila sve svoje obaveze. Shvatila sam tada da to nije fer prema meni i da ja zaista moram da naucim da odbijem te izlaske.

Ovo mozda zvuci bezazleno, ali vremenom sam postala bleda i umorna do te mere da me je mama odvela kod lekara. Kao sto mozete zamisliti, ovaj nacin zivota, manjak sna i dosta stresa su rezultovali anemijom. Gvozdje mi je bilo ispod 2, a donja granica za zene je 12.

Kada nas ljudi zamole za usluge nikada im ne kazemo samo ne. Uglavnom ljudi smisljaju izgovore “Uradila bih, ali…”, drugim recima osecamo se duznim da im damo razlog zasto smo spreceni da im ucinimo uslugu. Shvatila sam da izgovori njima samo daju vise prostora da vas na kraju dovedu na svoju vodenicu. “Ok, ako ne mozes veceras jer si zauzeta, ajde dodji da mi pomognes sutra ujutru?”…Na kraju cete uraditi bas ono oko sto ste se trudili da izbegnete.

Zar je toliko tesko reci samo NE? Posto smo mi drustvena bica, mislimo da je nekulturno ili agresivno reci samo ne. Ali razmislite o tome, koliko je puta neko drugi vama rekao ne?

Sve u svemu, svodi se na to da moramo biti malo vise sebicni. Ovo je ono meni najteze ide, ali shvatila sam da ce vas u suprotnom ljudi uvek iskoristavati. Dok sam jos radila u apoteci, imala sam veliku odgovornost da kao sef takodje vodim racuna o zaposlenima, tada sam shvatila da su moju dobrotu pogresno protumacili i na nju gledali kao na slabost. Tako su skoro svaki petak popodne uvek mene pitali da li mogu posao da napuste ranije, da li mogu sutra da ne dodju na posao ili slicno, jer su znali da im je kod mene najbolja sansa za prolazak.
Posto nisam umela da kazem ne, cesto bih se dovela u situaciju da najgorim danima vikendom radim u apoteci bez par radnika. Da, naucila sam mnogo iz toga, ali sam mrzela sebe jer nisam rekla ne. Tada sam shvatila da ovo mora da se promeni.

U danasnje vreme ljudii traze od nas svakakve stvari, “Da li bih mogla da stavim sliku na instagram?”, “Da li mogu da reklamiram njihove proizvode na blogu?”, “Da li mogu da im pomognem da izgrade svoje ime?”, da budem iskrena neka od ovih pitanja su me naucila da kazem ne. Zapravo ako njih nije sramota da pitaju, zasto bi mene bilo sramota da kazem ne?

Postoje neke stvari koje nikada ne mozete dobiti nazad, jedna od njih je vreme, Vase vreme je dragoceno i vi treba da odredite kako cete ga potrositi. Cenite svoje vreme, vrednujte sebe i drugi ce to isto ciniti . Radite ono sto zelite da biste imali bolji zivot nemojte raditi ono sto ne zelite, ne objasnjavajte, ne izvinjavajte se, jer na kraju krajeva sasvim je ok da kazete NE, upravo zato ta rec i postoji.

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38 Comments

  1. Anita
    Dec 22, 2014 / 12:18 pm

    Bravo! Ovo mi se jako sviđa, ljudi često nemaju mjere.

  2. #G&G-lover
    Dec 22, 2014 / 12:19 pm

    Svaka čast ljubavi, divni su ti ovi MONDAY CONFESSIONS-i. Ljubim :-*

  3. Anonimus
    Dec 22, 2014 / 12:25 pm

    Sjajna tema, jos jedna u nizu. Ovo je nesto sto mene takodje zaokuplja. Shvatila sam da objasnjavanjem dovodimo sebe u situaciju da ispada kao da se pravdamo, a zasto bismo morali. Drago mi je sto sam ovakvo misljenje procitala i kod tebe.

  4. Montenegrina
    Dec 22, 2014 / 12:27 pm

    Jako dobar tekst, odlicna poruka svima nama! Eh kad se sjetim koliko sam ja puta pomogla a kako su ljudi nezahvalni..
    Jedva cekam ponedjeljak i novu ispovjest! Volim te Tami, predivno je ovo sto radis. ♥

  5. Marija
    Dec 22, 2014 / 12:35 pm

    ,,Radite ono sto zelite da biste imali bolji zivot nemojte raditi ono sto ne zelite, ne objasnjavajte, ne izvinjavajte se, jer na kraju krajeva sasvim je ok da kazete NE, upravo zato ta rec i postoji.” -prelijepa recenica. To je ono sto mi je trebalo.Cim sam se vratila iz skole odmah sam pocela da citam tvoj novi post. Meni je sada 17 godina i samo mogu da ti kazem SVAKA CAST.Hvala ti sto pises o tom periodu svog zivota. Ne mogu ti opisati koliko mi to znaci. Ti si me u velikoj mjeri naucila kako da se nosim sa problemima. HVALA TI TAMARA. ;)

  6. :-)
    Dec 22, 2014 / 12:40 pm

    Savršeno ljubavi!

  7. Dec 22, 2014 / 1:26 pm

    Stvarno sam odusevljena da postoji netko kao ti tko ima isti nacin razmisljanja, svjetonazore i planove kao i ja. Jako je lijepo vidjeti ovako mladu, lijepu, obrazovanu i pametnu curu koja i ima veliko srce.
    Znati reci NE kad treba je nesto s cim sam se borila cijeli zivot, uvijek sam bila YES osoba i “rastezala” sam se na sve strane i za svakoga samo da svima ispunim sva njihova ocekivanja i budem najbolja za svakoga i sve to samo da bih na kraju ja bila ta koja je najmanje “dobivala”.
    Reci NE je nesto s cim se jos uvijek donekle borim ali sam jako daleko napredovala i zivot mi je postao puno lijepsi i kvalitetniji otkad sam se uhvatila s tim u kostac.

    http://lartoffashion.blogspot.com

  8. Dec 22, 2014 / 1:41 pm

    This is one of the best life lessons that I can really relate to. I used to do so many things I didn’t want to & never thought about myself. As you get older you realise it’s important to do what YOU want to do. I’ve also found people respect you more for saying No!
    Great post Tamara.
    Hugs Adele xoxo

  9. Anonymous
    Dec 22, 2014 / 2:01 pm

    Mogla bi da uradis video ili post o ucenju, school supplies, tj mogla bi sve svoje videe o ucenju i organizaciji da stavis u jedan i da dodas jos nesto, jer su tvoji saveti na tu temu odlicni! ❤❤❤❤ NAJBOLJA SI

  10. Rusu
    Dec 22, 2014 / 2:02 pm

    Hello ! Do you have bath and body works in London or do you order the products online? Thanks for your answer

  11. Dec 22, 2014 / 2:23 pm

    Such a fab post!!! I also struggle saying ‘no’, and then when I am frustrating at someone taking up my time, I take it out on those closest to me who don’t take advantage! This is going to be on my New Years Resolutions too!

  12. Lori
    Dec 22, 2014 / 2:41 pm

    God, this post could not have come at a better time, thank you! I found myself in a situation two days ago where I didn’t really want to do something, but I kind of got dragged into doing it. So, I obviously gotta stop saying YES and learn to say NO a tinny bit more :-D

  13. Dec 22, 2014 / 3:01 pm

    Pre sam i ja govorila :da ,može. Kada bi me neko pitao da li mogu da pozajmim ovo ili ono,uvek bi govorila moze,jer sam mislila da ce se taj neko uvrediti.Sada sam shvatila da iako se uvrede to mene zaista ne interesuje.Onaj ko je razuman prihvatice NE ali oni drugi koji ce se duriti ,za njih me baš briga. Odličan post Tamara,obožavam svaki ponedeljak od sad! :))
    Posetite moj modni blog:
    ◙•• vrgov.blogspot.com ••◙

  14. Dec 22, 2014 / 3:14 pm

    I love this article, I am learning now to buy things for the quality of the product rather than the quantity!

    I did however, completely ignore this life rule and buy one coat in both colours last week… xo

    http://www.hikinginheels.co.uk

  15. Ivana
    Dec 22, 2014 / 3:22 pm

    Upravo tako!Potpuno se slažem sa tobom,ali i to je moj veliki problem takodje.Nikada ne umijem da kažem NE,i uvijek trpim ono što ne bih trebala,jer mi je žao i ne želim da povrijedim druge.Super si,volim tvoj blog,kao i tvoje savjete.Prelijepa si i veoma uspješna.Samo naprijed!:)<3<3

  16. Anonymous
    Dec 22, 2014 / 3:54 pm

    sjajno!

  17. Anonymus
    Dec 22, 2014 / 4:06 pm

    Ja sam samo pitao za najlonke crne sjajne, al nisam dobio odgovor :p mislim to je sexy šta i ima da se nasmiješ na ovo jer je humoristično i želim te nasmijat malo ;)

  18. marina
    Dec 22, 2014 / 4:25 pm

    Svaka cast za temu, ovo je nesto sto i ja zelim da naucim. Zelim da naucim da kazem ne bez onog propratnog osecaja kricvice;o tome da su roditelji ti koji ti usade u vaspitanje “jer me ceo zivot uce da se prilagodim drugima, da svima pomognem i da ne odbijam ljude ” o tome bih mogla podugacko da pisem. Draga Tamara hvala ti od srca sto si me podsetila da je i NE odgovor. Veliki pozdrav iz Beograda

  19. Dec 22, 2014 / 4:59 pm

    Divno napisana, i slažem se sa svakom napisanom rečju u ovom tekstu!

  20. Mici
    Dec 22, 2014 / 5:05 pm

    Sve si pogodila, ali sve. Jedva čekam ponedeljak aaa Hvala ti puno i najbolja si ❤

  21. Anonymus
    Dec 22, 2014 / 7:48 pm

    Upravo zbog takve dobrote i slabosti da odbijes druge bila sam osoba koju su stalno iskoristavali, bila sam uvijek tu za sve, ali ne i oni za mene. Kada sam shvatila neke stvari, kao sto ti kazes ‘naucila da kazem NE’ ostala sam bez nekih ljudi. Sada ih nemam puno oko mene i ponekad se stvarno osjesam usamljeno zbog toga. Nisam srela nikoga ko bi ucinio za mene onoliko koliko ja za njega. Tamara, ti si jedna divna djevojka koju ja toliko volim i uzor si mi u svemu, jedva cekam da te upoznam ako odrzis meet up na mjestima gdje si obecala. xxx

  22. Dec 22, 2014 / 9:06 pm

    Wow, such a great post!! When I read it I totally saw myself saying yes instead of no. Loved reading it!

    Love, L

  23. Dec 22, 2014 / 10:12 pm

    I love your Monday posts, saying no can be very hard!

  24. Lucilla
    Dec 22, 2014 / 10:16 pm

    You made me love mondays! Great post! Thank you so much for sharing, I can relate greatly!

    • Anonimus
      Dec 23, 2014 / 11:20 am

      I agree! Mondays are so much better with Tamara’s posts…

  25. Anonimus
    Dec 23, 2014 / 11:05 am

    Volela bih znati sta si u hor. podznaku, posto se toliko pronalazim u mnogim tvojim osobinama i stavovima? Organizovanost, planiranje, sklonost ka lepim stvarima, pisanju, osecajnost, ali i upornost i ambicioznost, samo su neke od njih…

    Prelepa je naslovna fotka, a tekst jako poucan, podsetnik za sve nas.
    Ono sto bih volela videti na tvom blogu uskoro su video favourites, nigth routine, sum up 2014. godine i ako si eventualno spremna s nama podeliti neku listu zelja i ciljeva za narednu…
    Svaki Monday post zeljno iscekujem. Srecni predstojeci praznici!

    • Lilly
      Dec 27, 2014 / 8:40 am

      Mene iskreno zabrinjava što neko u 21. veku još uvek veruje u horoskop. Sve te osobine koje si nabrojala ima gomiletina ljudi na svetu i apsolutno ne zavise od toga kako su bile raspoređene neke zvezde (koje su btw svetlosnim godinama udaljene jedna od druge).

      Postovi su strava :) to je on topic :)

  26. Anonymous
    Dec 23, 2014 / 11:38 am

    Ovo je odlicna tema Tamara, ma koliko nekome delovalo banalno, nekome je to veliki teret, reci ne. Svaka cast.

  27. Dec 23, 2014 / 12:49 pm

    <3
    Lepo rečeno od reči do reči.
    Nice said!

  28. Dec 23, 2014 / 1:28 pm

    Slazem se sa svakom recenicom.

  29. Jovana
    Dec 23, 2014 / 1:57 pm

    Ovaj vikend sam izgovorila dva značajna NE i ovaj post me ohrabrio da nastavim sa tim. Hvala ti Tamara! :*

  30. Nina
    Dec 23, 2014 / 4:40 pm

    Odlican post! Isto to se nalazi i na mojoj listi ciljeva – reci Ne i ne osecati se lose zbog toga! Kada dete progovori, u vecini slucajeva, prvo sto kaze je NE. Vremenom je coveku to sve teze da kaze. A ne bi trebalo da je tako, ako smo mogli to reci kao bebe trebalo bi da mozemo i sad :)

  31. Dec 25, 2014 / 1:42 pm

    This is so true! I needed this post / pep talk years ago. I would have been as happy as I am now the whole time. It makes you wonder, doesn’t it? How many times have others, or will others go out of their way to do something for you? I have been the “good friend” but not many not have been that way for me. Those people I had to let go and pray for their successes from a far.

    Go YOU for posting this and sharing! I will say NO when necessary, especially if I have to think too hard about something or a reason to do something. Thanks!

    <3

  32. Christina
    Dec 27, 2014 / 5:45 am

    You are so incredible Tamara, such an immense inspiration to me! Thank you so much for these monday confessions, every single one I can relate to and learn from and they just make me so happy. Thank you thank you thank you!!!!

  33. Jelena
    Feb 16, 2015 / 10:27 am

    Svaka ti cast.Gotivim to sto si realna i normalna,pametna devojka koja cvrsto stoji na zemlji.Imas uticaj na mnogobrojne ljude,pogotovo mlade i koristis to kako treba.

  34. Anonymous
    Apr 22, 2015 / 4:25 pm

    Hello Tamara,
    While you are sweet and have made “it” in the blog world I must admit that giving such advice is very dangerous.
    In order to make it in this world, as just a decent human being, you still need to work with people, we need to help each other, you need your family and saying “no” as you put it might and will isolate you.
    This is just a fine line, because people of today take everything literally and use any information to promote themselves as a brand. You are not a brand. You are a human being put on this earth to enjoy life and help one another. You are not a walking billboard advertising Celine, Chanel, Hermes and every single piece of clothing you wear.
    Blogging is fun and having self-respect is very important it is also important to have that work-life- being a good person balance.

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