Why are we comparing ourselves to others? ||Monday Confession

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“Comparison is the thief of joy.” —Theodore Roosevelt

There isn’t a person out there who hasn’t struggled with this at one point of their life. Its simply the worst possible thing you can do, judge yourself because it seems that someone is doing better, that they are more successful, happier, or that they have a better life.


Being a younger child also means that you get compared to your older sibling a lot. My sister was always the best student, a child which sets and example and such a great daughter, which always made me feel inadequate. I never would feel anywhere as good as she is, even though I was an excellent student with a little bit too much on my plate. I would always compete and compare my grades to hers, count my university acceptance letters while holding hers, or even ask my mother who she think was better at that age.

It wasn’t too hard on me, because my sister is the person I love the most. She is the one who was always there for me and who means so much to me, so I never wanted her to do bad in life, but just imagine the situation of two colleagues at work competing with each other. Its sadly phenomenon that happens every day around the world, something that keeps this planet spinning and what makes some people a lot of money.

I learned that in order to be happy you really cannot compare yourself to anyone else. I work in an industry full of successful and gorgeous women, they are all creative, with amazing fashion sense and most of them have incredible talents. Some of them are extremely successful, others are still relatively new to it, but if I compared myself to them, I would never have a friend or more precisely a colleague in this profession.

You might wonder why? Because there will ALWAYS be someone prettier, more successful, richer, smarter and happier than me. And that thought would slowly kill my confidence. And even if there isn’t someone better than you, you will always think that there is, so why do this to yourself? Why stress about never being good enough, when your friend gets a job that you wanted or passes an exam that you fail. Life is not a competition, we all have our roles and you can’t play them all.

What does that mean? It means you shouldn’t be so greedy, and I will explain how this works in blogging world, but you can apply it to any industry you want to. If I work with X and Y brand, and my blogger friend starts working with brand z, I am not gonna want it too. I am not gonna spend the days judging myself and thinking what is so bad about me for not getting to work with brand Z, but will be happy for her and work harder and harder until I can reach the success of working with every brand I initially wanted to. I will focus on the brands I have and how grateful I am for the given opportunities. The important thing here is- not to want stuff just because someone else has it…Want it because thats what was always in your heart.

People who compete and who always try to be better than the other person are the ones who really aren’t that good in what they are competing about. They are worried about their place and are just so desperate to maintain or gain the position that would do anything to get there. Focus back on your goals, and work towards them, don’t let other people’s achievements distract you from your road.

I hear a lot of funny stories from girls wherever I go, but the most recent one was from a girl who has been in relationship for 6 years, she got really upset because her friend who is in relationship for 2 years got engaged and she didn’t. I just couldn’t understand why did she want to even torture herself with those thoughts and why did she wish to compare a relationship she has to something she will never know enough about. Don’t forget you never know the real truth about other people’s business, love life, school or success in general.

Did your neighbour get a new car? The one you have always wanted? Instead of focusing on his happiness and why is your life so miserable, remember its all about focusing your energy on the right stuff.

I am writing this post after spending a whole night with amazing two blogger friends of mine. I am so lucky and blessed to call them my friends and would never harm our perfect relationship by comparing who did what. There isn’t an opportunity good enough or a job that is fabulous enough for me to want it more than their friendship. If your character is naturally very competitive and you cannot stop but start “hating” people you feel are more successful than you, that is simply a sin called-jealousy.

I am not gonna sugar coat it for you here, but some of us are less and some are more jealous by nature. If you are more jealous and you just can’t help but compete all the time, I suggest you just avoid situations which will put you down. Focus on what YOU are good at, look at your good side and don’t let anyone put you down purposely. People who brag while you are going through hard times do not deserve a place in your life.

Detoxicate your environment, get rid of all the bad influence and start working on yourself. Be happy for a colleague who did better in the exam, but get motivated to work harder for the next time. Do not get frustrated, do not compare, because you are YOU and none else does it better. The moment I stopped comparing myself to my older sister I discovered that yes, she is so much better in some areas than me, but I am so much more creative. Even though she is so responsible, and parents are always proud of her for being such a fantastic person, they are also proud of me for creating something different, for following my dreams and for being myself.

Few years ago someone told me “The only person you should be competing with is yourself”, I took his advice, and since that day I have been enjoying this competition where I cannot be happier to see how much better I am today comparing to what I was yesterday! There is enough space for everyone, we can all be happy and this world would be delightful place if everyone just did their thing without trying to sabotage others or to let their greed get the most out of them. Compare yourself today to yourself yesterday only praise yourself and congratulate yourself on the amazing transformations and person you have become! Happy Monday everyone.

“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown

“Poredjenje je lopov radosti”- Teodor Ruuzvelt

Ne postoji osoba na svetu koja nij bas jednom imala problem sa ovim. Jednostavno nesto najgore sto mozete uraditi, osudjivati sebe, zato sto vam se cini da niste dobri kao sto je neko drugi, porediti se sa onima koji vam se cine srecniji, uspesniji, ili koji imaju bolji zivot.

Kada ste mladje deteu porodici, obicno vas roditelji cesto porede sa bracom i sestrama. Moja starija sestra je uvek bila najbolji djak, student, dete za primer sto me je uvek cinilo da se osecam nedovoljno dobrom. Uvek sam mislila da bez obzira sta ja uradila moji roditelji nikada nece gledati na mene kao sto gledaju na nju, cak i kada sam bila odlican ucenik, poredila sam moja svedocanstva sa njenima, trazila njene ocene sa fakulteta kada bih dobila moje i ponekad pitala roditelje ko je bio bolji u tim godinama.

Meni barem nije ovo padalo jako tesko, jer je moja sestra osoba koju volim najvise na svetu. Ona je osoba koja je uvek bila tu za mene, ko mi mnogo znaci i nikada joj nisam pozelela nista lose, ali zamislite da mi nije bila porodica ili situacijudvojice kolega koji se medjusobno porede na poslu. Ovo je fenomen koji se svakodnevno odvija sirom sveta i zbog kojeg se ponekad planeta okrece, a neko zaradjuje mnogo novca.

Naucila sam da kako bismo bili srecni moramo da prestanemo sa poredjenjem. Zivim u industriji punoj uspesnih i lepih zena, sve su kreativne sa neverovatno dobrim ukusom, stilom i izuzetno su talentovane. Neke su jako uspesne, neke jos uvek rade na tome, ali kada bih ja poredila moj uspeh sa njihovim, nikada ne bih imala nijednog prijatelja koji se bavi istim poslom kao i ja, sto bi bilo veoma tuzno.

Pitate se zasto? Zato sto ce UVEK postojati neko lepsi, uspesniji, bogatiji, pametniji i srecniji od mene. A ta misao bi ubijala moje samopouzdanje. Cak i ako ne postoji niko bolji od vas, uvek cete misliti da postoji, a zasto bi to neko sebi radio? Zasto unositi nepotreban stres u dobar zivot, zasto hocete da ubedite sebe da vi niste dovoljno dobri ako neko drugi ima posao ili je polozio ispit koji ste vi pali? Zivot nije takmicenje, mi imamo svoje uloge, a kao individualac ne mozete ih igrati sve.

Sta to znaci? Znaci da ne treba da budete halapljivi, a objasnicu vam kako ovo funkcionise u svetu blogovanja, mada se moze primeniti na svaku industriju. Ako ja saradjujem sa brendom X i Y a moja drugarica blogerka pocne da radi sa brendom Z, ja necu biti dozvoliti da budem halapljiva i da zelim i taj brend. Necu provesti sate osudjujuci samu sebe i pitajuci se zasto ja nisam ostvarila saradnju sa brendom Z, vec cu biti srecna zbog drugarice i uloziti puno rada kko bih dostigla uspeh koji zelim i radila sa svim brendovima sa kojima zelim da radim. Fokusiracu svoju energiju na X i Y i na to koliko sam zahvalna sto su mi se ukazale te mogucnosti. Najbitnije od svega je da ne zelite nesto samo zato sto to neko drugi ima…Zelite to zato sto je u vasem srcu.

Ljudi koji se takmice i koji posesivno zele da budu bolji od ostalih zapravo nisu toliko dobri. Oni se boje za svoju poziciju zbog nedostatka samopouzdanja i znaju da ih neko drugi moze zameniti. Koncentrisite se na svoje ciljeve, radite ka njima i ne dozvolite da vas tudji uspeh dekoncentrise za vaseg puta.

Cujem mnogo interesantnih prica od devojaka sirom sveta. Jedna mi je ostala u pamcenju od skoro. Devojka koja mi je pisala email bila je izuzetno tuzna jer nakon 6 godina veze momak je nije zaprosio, njena najbolja drugarica koja se zabavlja sa deckom 2 godine prosle nedelje je dobila prsten i sada planira vencanje. Nisam mogla da shvatim zasto bi se neko mucio tom mislju, zasto bi poredio svoju vezu sa tudjom o kojoj mozda ne znate nista. Ne zaboravite da mi nikada ne znamo potpunu istinu o tudjem poslu, skoli, ljubavi ili uspehu generalno.

as komsija je kupio nova kola? Ona koja ste vi uvek zeleli.. Umesto da fokusirate svoju energiju na njegovu srecu i na to koliko je vas zivot nikakav, okusirajte energiju na prave stvari.

Pisem ovaj post nakon noci provedene sa dve drugarice, obe blogerke koje mnogo volim. Toliko sam srecna i blagovslovena sto ih mogu nazvati mojim drugaricama i nikada ne bih povredila nas odnos poredjenjem. Ne postoji posao ili prilika dovoljno dobra koja je vredna njihovog prijateljstva. Ako je vas karakter prirodno takmicarski i ne mozete da prestanete da “mrzite” uspesnije ljude, to se zove – ljubomora.

Nije mi u cilju da vam podilazim i tepam, svi smo odrasli i treba biti realistican kada analiziramo sami sebe. Ako ste prilicno ljubomorni po prirodi, stalno se takmicite i ne mozete si pomoci po pitanju toga, predlazem vam da izbegavate situacije u kojima cete se osecati lose. Koncentrisite se na sve ono u cemu ste VI dobri, gledajte svoju dobru stranu i ne dozvolite nikome da vas spusta. Ljudi koji se hvale dok vi prolazite kroz tezak period ne zasluzuju mestou vasem zivotu.

Otarasite se svega iz okruzenja sto vas cini losijom osobom, da biste poceli raditi na sebi. Budite srecni zbog kolege koji je postigao uspeh, ali neka vas to motivise da i vi postignete vise sledeci put. Ne dozvolite frustracijama da vas unesrece, ne poredite se ni sa kim, je viste vi i niko ne moze biti VI bolje od samih VAS. Onog trenutka kada sam prestala da se uporedjujem sa starijom sestrom sam otkrila da ona zaista jeste jako dobra u nekim stvarima, ali da sam ja kreativna. Iako je ona jako odgovorna i cini nase roditelje izuzetno ponosnim, sigurna sam da su roditelji i na mene ponosni jer sam izabrala drugaciji put, jer pratim svoje snove i jer sam ja JA.

Pre par godina neko mi je rekao “Jedina osoba sa kojom treba da se takmicis si upravo ti”, prihvatila sam njegov savet i od tada uzivam u zdravom takmicenju sa samom sobom i ne mogu biti srecnija kada primetim koliko mi bolje idu neke stvari danas u poredjenju na juce. Na svetu ima mesta za sve, svi mozemo biti srecni i nasi zivoti bi bili mnogo lepsi kada bi svako gledao svoja posla i radio na sebi umesto da sabotira druge zbog sopstvene pohlepe. Uporedite sebe danas sa osobom koja ste bili juce i cestitajte si na svakom uspehu i transformaciji koju ste prosli! Srecan Ponedeljak svima.

“Zasto porediti sebe sa drugima Ni ko na svetu ne moze biti vi bolje od vas samih” ~ Nepoznati Autor

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39 Comments

  1. Dec 15, 2014 / 10:45 am

    Very beautiful post, you helps us more because we are new blogger. Thank you very much. Love you

  2. Anonimus
    Dec 15, 2014 / 11:04 am

    Sjajno kao i uvijek! Svidja mi se sto radis na svom blogu u svakom pogledu, uvodis novosti, i to najcesce one koje tvoji citatelji traze i predlazu. Svaka cast na tome. To je i recept za uspjeh!

  3. Anonimus
    Dec 15, 2014 / 11:26 am

    Volela bih te pitati za misljenje, ili cak da obradis kao temu, neka pitanja vezana za prijateljstva.
    Naime, da li si imala prijatelje, ili hipoteticki kako bi se ponasala kada bi imala, koji su dobri kao osobe, pomoci ce ti kad si u losoj situaciji ili razgovorom utesiti kada ti lose ide. Medjutim, kada si srecan, uspesan, kada ostvaris neki svoj san ili se vratis s nekog lepog putovanja, osetis ljubomoru, ne mozes tu svoju radost podeliti s tom osobom na pravi nacin, ili cak nikako jer izbegava da te uopste pita bilo sta vezano za to. Ako sam pocnes pricati o tome ne osecas se lepo a prosto nije prirodno da se neke lepe stvari precute ili spomenu u dve recenice.
    Zatim, kada imas prijatelje ili prijateljicu koja je skroz drugacija kao osoba, kako se ponasas i da li ti smetaju neke osobine?

  4. :-)
    Dec 15, 2014 / 11:59 am

    Svaki dan me sve više oduševljavaš! ♥

  5. Dec 15, 2014 / 12:00 pm

    Love your Monday confessions posts!!

    http:/www.isidahorncastle.com

  6. Marija
    Dec 15, 2014 / 12:30 pm

    “Jedina osoba sa kojom treba da se takmicis si upravo ti” -najljepsa recenica. Nemas pojma koliko si mi pomogla.

  7. MADAM
    Dec 15, 2014 / 12:51 pm

    Bravo Tamara
    jako lijepi post. Mogu reči da stojim iza svega što si napisala, kada je čovjek usredotočen na svoje ciljeve i na načine kako da ih ostvari a pri tome u ljudma koji ga okružuju vidi mogućnost učenja od njih (a ne natjecanje i usporedbu), onda si na pravom putu svog osobnog razvoja.
    Slažem se sa time da nikad zpravo ne znamo “pravu sliku” nečijeg života, pa bih mogla slobodno napisati da je bezveze biti ljubomoran i uspoređivati se, ali nažalost to je u ljudskoj prirodi, ali tom nagonu se treba othrvati.
    Ima jedan stih jedne meni prelijepe pjesme koju možeš primjeniti na svaki aspekt života (ljubav, posao…..) a glasi:

    NIJE LJUBAV SVE ŠTO VIDIŠ
    ZATO PAZI KOME ZAVIDIŠ.
    Pozdrav!

  8. Dec 15, 2014 / 1:06 pm

    This is so true. If you focus too much on others you lose focus on yourself.
    Another fab post Tamara.
    Hugs Adele xoxo

  9. Dec 15, 2014 / 1:34 pm

    first of all, so funny I instagrammed that first quote today too hehe. Also thanks for writing this, I’ve been struggling so hard with it lately and it’s just painful. Blogging is what I love to do and I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others but it’s so hard when I just keep seeing their success and struggle to gain my own! but it is something I’m working on :)
    xo

  10. Dec 15, 2014 / 3:05 pm

    abslutely beautiful love this post. xoxo

  11. Emilija
    Dec 15, 2014 / 3:17 pm

    Dear Tamara!

    I agree with you a 100 %. The only person we should compare ourselves with is our future self! That should keep us motivated and energized for great things!
    Thank you for opening yourself on another level, I love your confessions, and I think they are extremely helpful!

    Love u

  12. Dec 15, 2014 / 3:46 pm

    Ostala sam bez rijeci,kao i uvijek..tvoji postovi ponrdjeljkom su nesto najbolje sto sam ikada citala..molim te nemoj nikada da ih skines s bloga!! Hvala ti na svakom ponedjeljku u kojem si me obradovala postom.Uvijek me inspirises i uvijek naucin nesto novo od tebe.Divna si Tamara!!! ;)))
    *m*

  13. Dec 15, 2014 / 4:19 pm

    I’m most definitely guilty of this from time to time. When I snap out of it I always think I’m so silly. Everyone is different, that is one of many reasons we shouldn’t compare ourselves with others. No two people are the same, relationships, careers etc. Great post!

  14. Dec 15, 2014 / 4:35 pm

    So true Tamar, you hit the nail on the head right there

  15. Dec 15, 2014 / 4:47 pm

    Kad jednom shvate da je poređenje sa drugima samo nanošenje bola sebi ljudi kreću nabolje. Mislim da je bolje umesto poređenja sa drugima učiti od drugih, bar ja tako radim i lep je osećaj.Ali poređenje, nikako..jer samo unazađuje.

  16. Jocika
    Dec 15, 2014 / 4:58 pm

    Volim da citam ove tvoje postove i mislim da su jako korisni, jer iako dosta nas sve to vec zna, nekad se “izgubimo” u svakodnevici, problemima, pa zaboravimo na ovakve stvari… a sad si i ti tu da nas podsetis i das poneki savet :)Svima nam zatreba motivacija s vremena na vreme.:) Hvala ti, Tamara, i sve najbolje!

  17. Dec 15, 2014 / 5:17 pm

    Najbolje da se takmičimo sa samim sobom jer je to zdrava konkurencija je apsolutno tačna, a manje će biti zavidnih i ljubomornih ljudi na tudje!

  18. Dec 15, 2014 / 5:41 pm

    Je li to znaci da ovaj mjesec nema november favourites jer si napravila post favourites from Cape town ili kako? Zivim u neznanju Tamara,obavijesti me??! :D

  19. jihen
    Dec 15, 2014 / 5:55 pm

    perfect!! keep on! we love u!!

  20. Dec 15, 2014 / 6:29 pm

    Ima jedan dizajner na koga sam toliko ljubomorna,i to pogotovo u crtanju.Stalno sam mu gledala slike , i uporedjivala sa mojim. Shvatila sam da je bolje da sam za to vreme radila na MOJEM crtanju nego sto sam gledala tudji rad .Baš kao sto si rekla ~takmicite se sa sobom~ Ja bih dodala : jer ste vi si sebi najveci protivnik.
    Niko me nece naterati da usavrsavam crtanje osim mene same. Svakog dana sam bolja i bolja. Svaki dan sam bolja od jučerašnje sebe.

    .
    .Posetite moj blog :
    • vrgov.blogspot.com •

  21. GP
    Dec 15, 2014 / 6:41 pm

    Beautiful post. I needed this today.

  22. Benedetta
    Dec 15, 2014 / 7:13 pm

    This post is so helpfull…great words!!

  23. Dec 15, 2014 / 8:51 pm

    I love your monday posts Tamara!Life is not a competition!

  24. Sonja
    Dec 15, 2014 / 11:19 pm

    Monday confession je predivna stvar koju si uradila… Čitam i štampam svaki jer je sjajna motivacija…
    Samo tako nastavi Tamara… I naravno, predivna si!

  25. Dec 15, 2014 / 11:56 pm

    wow! totalno istina! baš si lijepo sve rekla. Tamice, puno ti pusa šaljem! :* <3 Ako ikad dođeš u HR u Osijek, moramo se vidjeti :)

  26. sandra
    Dec 16, 2014 / 12:19 am

    wow thank you so much tamara for this amazing post. your parents must be so proud of you they have raised an amazing daughter

  27. Milica
    Dec 16, 2014 / 2:25 am

    Sjajna si! Tvoji tekstovi su iskreni i inspirisu! Znam da uglavnom u poslednjih desetak godina pises i pricas na engleskom, ali lepo bi bilo da dok pises tekstove na srpskom obratis malo vise paznju na pravopis i smisao recenica. Veoma lepo pises, ali mi se cini da ponekad, verovatno u zurbi, napises tekst na srpskom sa nekim greskama koje nisu posledica neznanja nego brzine. Veliki pozdrav za tebe, sasvim slucajno sam otkrila tvoj blog i zaista je okrepljujuci :) :*

  28. Dec 16, 2014 / 4:54 am

    Great blog post, it can be hard not to compare, especially when your first starting out in the blogging world but then you have to realize that everyone began somewhere.
    xx, Jodi
    http://highheelsandtutus.com

  29. Ja
    Dec 16, 2014 / 5:27 am

    Sigurno si ovo cula vec stotinu puta, ali moram i ja jos jednom da ponovim – ispovijesti ponedjeljkom su fenomenalna stvar i tako dobar “zacin” za ovaj blog. Nevjerovatna si osoba i svakog ponedjeljka me necim inspirises. Hehe, nemoj sebi samo stvarat pritisak, da ako jedno vrijeme ostanes bez inspiracije da moras pisati ove ispovijesti, ok je, razumicemo, barem ja, ne moze na silu. Kad ispricas sve sto imas onda slobodno stani, a sigurna sam da ces u medjuvremenu pronaci jos dodatnih zanimljivosti da ubacis na blog. Uglavnom, svaka cast, velika si inspiracija, barem meni, svojim radom. Kad procitam koliko se trudis ne bude mi tesko da i ja svakog dana ustajem i borim se za svoje snove

  30. Dec 16, 2014 / 1:14 pm

    I ALWAYS do this, guilty! I think it’s because I have high standards for myself and beat myself up when others around me seem to be able to achieve where I want to go. It’s definitely true of blogging, I fee, like I should be soooo much further along after 6mths as some people are but I’m not and have to keep in mind why I do it to not let that drive me insane. I’m also a mature student so constantly compare myself to the others who are 10yrs younger and what feel like a million times smarter. Keep fighting hard to feel good enough is my dream

  31. Vesna Pavlic-Kalinic
    Dec 16, 2014 / 9:11 pm

    Veoma sam ponosna na tebe mila moja.Ti i Dunja ste nešto najljepše sto nam je život darovao.Ostanite to sto jeste i pratite svoje zvezde vodilje

  32. Carmen Nappier
    Dec 16, 2014 / 10:11 pm

    I just love your Monday Confessions and look forward to reading them each week. This one especially hit close to home, because I have struggled with constantly comparing myself to others which is such a toxic mindset.

  33. Dec 17, 2014 / 6:41 pm

    I loved this. There will always be someone better than you. But this is also something else. I am someone who is very happy with my life at the moment, and I know that not everyone can say the same as me. It’s not that life is going awesome – not exactly – but I am still able to find happiness. And in this happiness I have found that I don’t care about others around me. I am happy enough being myself :D

  34. Natalie
    Dec 18, 2014 / 9:41 pm

    Just wanted to say thank you for this post. I only recently discovered your blog thanks to Instagram and I really value posts such as this. Pretty much everything you said here I can apply to my first term at university. I think i’ve spent most of my weeks there comparing myself to others through almost everything: style, appearance, academic ability, exam performance etc. and no doubt its had a negative effect on my own confidence. I’m hoping to change that in my second term after these xmas holidays. Thanks again for the advice you put in the post! :)

  35. Anonymous
    Jan 12, 2015 / 11:58 am

    Tamara, postala si mi neverovatna inspiracija. Svakog dana rastes u mojim ocim. Iz svakog tvog posta naucim nesto novo, saznam neko tvoje iskustvo. Tvoj blog mi je savrsen, jer obozavam organizaciju. Odusevila si me informavijom da ce svake nedelje i srede ici video. Tvoj snimak o ucenju i obavezama sam pregledala 1000 puta i volela bih da napravis jos neki o ucenju, organzaciji i uskladjenju obaveza. Znam da svako ima svoj stil ucenja, ali npr. meni jako pomazu tudja iskustva, narocito od ljudi koji su zavrsili tako teske fakultete i blogerki ti si posebna. Obozavam originalnost, a to si prosto ti. Samo nastavi tako, svakim danom mi sve vise prirastas srcu. Nisi kao neki koji zapostavljaju blog zarad svog privatnog zivota. Svaka cast, odusevljena sam tobom.

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