Being a creative soul born into a family of scientists is a recipe for a confused teenager. I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to be, and trust me there was a lot of pressure coming from all sides. Its always hard because you can’t write on the university application “successful” but that is all I knew I wanted to be.
I was never one of those children who knew exactly from the age of 4 that they wanted to be a doctor, or a singer, ballet dancer, nothing like that. I had various phases and tried everything, I danced, I played volleyball, did arts, played a violin, sang in a choir, took some acting lessons and many other things just to learn about myself, but somehow it felt like my parents were directing me in a diffent way.
I attended all those lessons and never felt like any of them were “the one”, they were all fine, I was pretty good in all of them, but nothing felt right, nowhere was the place where I really wanted to be, as it all seemed like a bit of an effort. I couldn’t understand my best friend who just couldn’t wait to go for a dancing class, and whose mum would punish her by not letting her go for it. I thought that was incredible, as for me dancing class was fun, but also would skip a few if I didn’t feel like it. There was just no passion.
I had to make a decision on which high school should I attend and more-less my profession just as I turned 14. This decision had to be made three months before I finished elementary education and I had a big problem not knowing what I wanted to do later in life. Luckily, I picked a school with broad education, something that prepares you for any higher education you might want at later stage. Little did I know that it won’t be any easier to choose a profession at the age of 17.
I remember it like it was yesterday, it bothered me for days and the deadline was approaching. I first wanted to be a dentist, then a lawyer, then a doctor, then a journalist. I also discussed the fashion courses with my mum, realising that I wanted to be granted a job after university and that some of the courses like history of art and fashion design that I wanted to study wouldn’t allow it. I settled for pharmacy, because not only everyone in my family is a pharmacist, but I knew that school was never a problem for me and that I will finish it and get a job immediately. But somewhere deep inside I had a feeling that this is only temporary and that my calling will be something else.
Why did I settle for pharmacy if it wasn’t my biggest passion you might wonder? We live in a world where nothing is certain, but I knew that this is secure job and also that it is good for a woman. I also knew that I wanted to be an independent woman, one that can look after herself and with that degree in my hands I could study anything I liked later in life, because at 23 I would still have time to go and study journalism while with working as a pharmacist.
Its hard to force a dream job and I know that because I tried so many different ones. While studying pharmacy I tried any job that appeared appealing. All of the jobs seemed amazing on paper and something I thought I would absolutely love to do, until I did it. There are number of jobs listed in my employment history, including NHS survey administrator, which was highly paid job but taught me that a boring job isn’t worth the most amazing salary either. I worked as a promotional model only to learn that even for a sociable person like myself this employment did not give that much pleasure after all. I also worked at university and in retail, but every job lacked something, so I realised that jobs had different categories-ones that don’t pay well, ones that don’t have future and ones that you absolutely hate but pay well. Which one to choose?
I could have easily sat back and spent my parents money while at university. It was an option, but I knew that if I became comfortable doing that, I will never be successful at anything or fulfil my only dream- being successful at what I do. Any job that wouldn’t let me be great at it wouldn’t be my drew job and in order to succeed you have to work hard. To work hard you have to want success, and if you are already living comfortably and spending your parents money you will never want to have it badly. My ambition was my driving force.
Money was not sufficient motivation, but knowing I needed to make it made me look for jobs. What motivated me were the praises- bosses who gave me compliments on my hard work and promotions. Since most of my jobs were seasonal or non permanent, they would always end with a big box of chocolates and same words “Thank you for all your hard work”. Now this brings me to talent. I never thought I had any particular talent, I was just average good at everything, but never exceptional. You know, not good not bad, just average, which is why I knew I had to work hard at every job, and earn respect this way.
When I got my first 9-5 regular job in a pharmacy I was fairly upset, it just wasn’t my dream job. The bosses kept offering me more and I felt like I was sucked into a machine, doing a job I didn’t want to do. I couldn’t quit because there was nothing better to do, no better paid job for my qualifications and I was scared that I will get bored of any other job, just like I was bored of all of those hobbies while growing up.
My calling in the end did prove to be journalism, in fact related to fashion, just how I wanted it. I realised that I never really knew all of my options as a 14 year old, when I was told that there are only few jobs out there: lawyer, doctor, economist and a vet and all the other jobs that you have to volunteer in forever. It seems pretty sad that unless you try experiencing with a lot of different careers you will never know what you want. My experience in retail, communications, customer service, marketing, management, hospitality and education helped me become the person I am, and helped me find my true calling. If I never tried all those hobbies and jobs I would have never started my blog, founded my company and started developing my career while knowing that YES, THIS IS IT!
Don’t judge people for what they chose to be, everyone has their reasons, but try and explore, experience different things, be brave, volunteer, get hired and hand in notice if you don’t like it. Don’t forget that every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it,how do you want yours to look? I decided that this is the job I love, I am completely taken by it, it makes me work, motivates me and drives me to get up very early in the morning and work late into night. This motivation feeds my ambition enabling me to become what I really wanted to be when I was a little girl – successful.
My story involved a lot of confusion, tears, explanation to parents and friends, many sleepless nights, worrying that I will hate my degree, worrying that I will hate my job- too much time spent thinking instead of living, trying and testing. You will never know unless you try, so before you quit everything else to start a degree that you just think might be right for you, or before you put all your money into something you aren’t sure if you will love, make sure to try and do it for some time to avoid regrets. That dream job in a glossy magazine? Do you even know what your responsibilities would be? Do you know how much money you would make? Make sure you are not just dreaming about your perfect career, make sure you are doing it.
And if the job doesn’t exit, then work hard and create it. After all, isn’t that what us bloggers did? Every day broadening the industry, turning a hobby into a career just because when you love what you do you will never work a day of your life.
*Please like this post on Bloglovin’ if you want more Monday Confessions
———————————————————————————————————————–
Kada ste kreativac rodjen u porodici roditelja koji se bave naukom mozete biti sigurni da ce vam biti jako tesko da se pronadjete. Nisam bila sigurna sta zelim da budem, a pritisak je stizao sa svih strana. Problem je sto nisam mogla napisati u aplikaciji za fakultet “uspesna”, a to je jednino sto sam znala da zelim biti.
Nikada nisam bila jedna od one dece koja svima pricaju od 4. godine da zele da budu doktor, balerina, pevacica, nista slicno. Imala sam razne faze i pokusala svasta, isla sam na casove plesa, odbojke, svirala violinu, pevala u horu, isla na dramsku sekciju i u kreativne radionice, ali ni u cemu se nisam pronasla u potpunosti a imala sam osecaj da su me roditelji uvek usmeravali na naucnu stranu.
Isla sam na sve te dodatne casove, ali nikada nisam imala osecaj da me ijedna od ovih aktivnosti ispunjava. Sve je to bilo okej, u svemu sam bila jednako dobra, ali nije to bilo to. Nikada nisam mogla razumeti moju najbolju drugaricu koja je non stop pricala o casovima plesa koje smo zajedno pohadjale, radovala bi im se dva dana unapred, a kada nije bila dobra u skoli mama bi je cak kaznjavala na taj nacin sto joj je branila da ide na ples. Ja sam volela casove plesa, ali sam s vremena na vreme i propustila koji ako mi se nije islo. Jednostavno nije bilo strasti.
Tek sto sam napunila 14 godina morala sam da odlucim u koju cu srednju skolu ici, to je bilo prvo susretanje sa problematikom, jer nisam znala sta zelim da studiram a samim tim ni u koju srednju skolu da idem. Bojala sam se pogresne odluke, pa sam upisala opstu gimnaziju misleci da cu za par godina sigurno znati sta zelim da budem. Nisam ni sanjala da cu jos veci problem imati sa 17 godina. (Krenula sam u osnovnu skolu sa sest godina)
Secam se kao da je bilo juce, mucilo me danima a rok se priblizavao. Koji fakultet upisati? Prvo sam zelela da budem zubar, pa advokat, pa doktor, ali i novinar. Takodje sam razmisljala o modnim fakultetima i razgovarala sa mamom, dosle smo do istog zakljucka, ja sam zelela posao cim zavrsim fakultet, a sa diplomom iz istorije umetnosti ili modnog dizajna to mozda ne bi bilo moguce. Ipak sam se odlucila za farmaciju, jer ne samo sto su mi svi u porodici farmaceuti, vec sam znala da cu ga zavrsiti jer skola nikada nije predstavljala problem za mene, ali sam isto tako znala da je mogucnost za dobijanje posla mnogo veca nakon studija. Ipak, negde u dubini sam znala da ovo nije moj poziv, vec nesto privremeno, kao plan B.
Zasto sam se odlucila za farmaciju ako to nije bila moja strast? Zivimo u svetu gde nista nije sigurno, ali sam znala da je ovo posao divan za zenu, nesto sto unosi sigurnost. Znala sam da zelim da budem nezavisna zena, neko ko moze da vodi racuna o svojoj porodici i sebi u buducnosti, a sa tom diplomom u rukama mogu biti sta god pozelim kasnije. Na kraju krajeva, sa 23 godine sam mogla upisati drugi fakultet, mozda cak i to novinarstvo o kojem sam razmisljala.
Ne mozete na silu otkriti ili odluciti koji je vas posao iz snova, a ja to znam jer sam probala mnogo razlicitih. Dok sam bila student oprobala sam se na svakom poslu koji me je privlacio. Svi poslovi za koje sam mislila da su glamurozni i divni su to bili samo u mojoj glavi i sve dok ih nisam probala. Jedan od poslova koje sam probala bio je i sluzbenik za NHS (Nacionalna Zdravstvena Sluzba), gde sam naucila da jako lepa plata nije vredna dosadnog posla. Radila sam i kao promo model, da bih otkrila da iako sam drustvena i pricljiva osoba, ovo mi nije predstavljalo neki uzitak. Takodje sam radila na fakultetu i u prodaji, ali svakom poslu je nedostajalo nesto, tako da sam naucila da poslovi spadaju u tri kategorije- oni koji nisu placeni dobro, oni koji nemaju buducnost i oni koji su super placeni ali ih mrzite. Koji odabrati?
Mogla sam da se opustim i da jednostavno trosim novac mojih roditelja na fakultetu. To je bila jedna od opcija, ali sam znala da ako se opustim nikada necu biti uspesna ni u cemu, a to je bio moj jedini san- da budem uspesna sta god radila.
Bilo koji posao u kom ne mogu biti dobra nije bio moj idealan, a znala sam da moram jako puno raditi da bih bila uspesna. Da biste radili mnogo morate biti motivisani uspehom, a ako vec lepo zivite i trosite novac roditelja nikada necete zeleti uspeh toliko. Znala sam da moram da kreiram sopstvenu motivaciju jer je moja ambicija bila jako gladna.
Novac me nije motivisao, ali posto sam znala da mi je neophodan znala sam i da moram imati posao. Ono sto me motivisalo jesu pohvale, menadzeri koji su mi davali komplimente na racun mog rada kao i unapredjenja. Vecina mojih poslova je bila za sezonu ili dve i zavrsavala se kutijom cokolada koju bih dobila i cestitkom u kojoj bi uvek pisalo “hvala ti za sav rad i trud”. Posto sam uvek mislila da nisam posebno talentovana ni za sta, vec jednostavno prosecno dobra u svemu, bas kao i vecina drugih ljudi, znala sam da jedini nacin da zasluzim postovanje jeste napornim radom.
Kada sam dobila prvi 9-5 posao u apoteci nisam bila u potpunosti ispunjena mojom svakodnevicom. Ovo nije bio moj posao iz snova, ali su mi sefovi nudili vise i vise pa sam se osecala kao deo neke masine, radeci posao koji ne zelim da radim, ali ne mogu ni da napustim, jer osim sto je dobro placen, takodje sam se bojala da ce mi sve drugo brzo dosaditi, bas kao i oni dodatni casovi u detinjstvu.
Moj poziv je na kraju ipak bio neko novinarstvo, zapravo modno novinarstvo u digitalnom svetu, bas onako kako sam zelela. Shvatila sam da kao dete od 14 godina nisam ni znala koje su moje opcije, u skolama i kod kuce uglavnom cujes samo za sledece profesije: advokat, doktor, ekonomista i veterinar a ostali poslovi ili nisu placeni ili morate volontirati do besvesti. Prilicno je tuzno da osim ako ne probate bas sve necete znati sta zelite da radite. Moje iskustvo u prodaji, komunikacijama, odnosima sa musterijama, marketingu, menadzmentu, ugostiteljstvu i edukaciji su mi pomogli da budem osoba koja sam danas i da pronadjem sta zelim da radim. Da nisam imala razne hobije i poslove ne bih nikada zapocela ni blog, osnovala svoju kompaniju i pocela da razvijam karijeru za koju konacno mislim DA, TO JE TO!
Nemojte osudjivati ljude zbog onoga sto rade, svaki posao je vredan poĊĦtovanja, zato probajte razlicite stvari, budite hrabri, volontirajte, zaposlite se i dajte otkaz ako vam se ne dopada. Ne zaboravite da je svaki posao portret osobe koja ga obavlja, kako zelite da vas izgleda? Shvatila sam da je ovo posao koji ja volim, totalno sam obuzeta njime, tera me da radim, motivise me da ustanem rano ujutru i da radim do kasno po noci. Ova motivacija hrani moju ambiciju i jedini je nacin da budem ono sto sam zelela da budem kao mala devojcica- uspesna.
Moja prica je podrazumevala mnogo konfuzije, suza, objasnjavanja roditeljima, prijateljima, mnogo neprospavanih noci, brige da cu mrzeti svoj posao, previse provedenog vremena razmisljajuci umesto ziveci, pokusavajuci, testirajuci. Nikad necete znati osim ako ne pokusate, zato pre nego sto odustanete i napustite sve ostalo da bi poceli studije necega sto samo mislite da volite obavezno to i probajte pre nego se pokajete. Taj posao iz snova u casopisu? Da li uopste znate koje bi vam bile obaveze i sta on podrazumeva? Da li znate koliko biste zaradjivali? Nemojte samo sanjati o karijeri, vec zasucite rukave da biste bili sigurni u ono sto zelite da radite.
A ukoliko vas posao iz snova ne postoji, onda radite sve dok ga ne stvorite. Na kraju krajeva zar to nije upravo ono sto smo mi blogeri uradili? Svaki dan sirimo industriju, pretvorite svoj hobi u karijeru, jer kada volite ono sto radite, necete nikada raditi nijedan dan u zivotu.
*Molim vas da lajkujete ovaj post na Bloglovin’u ako zelite jos Ispovesti Ponedeljkom.
Za sve moje citatelje i one koji zele da se druzimo, upoznamo, izgrlimo i ispricamo, meet up je u Novom Sadu u subotu, 29. novembra u podne na Mileticevom Trgu. Cekam vas 29.11 u 12.00 kod spomenika. Jedva cekam da se upoznamo!
