One important key to success is self-confidence. And that proved right in my life so many times, in school, university, at work, in private life. Anything you do the confidence leaves a trail, its like an invisible aura that tells other people how to talk to you, how to treat you, how to form their opinion of you. I will tell you my story about confidence and what I think is best to do in order to build it, but before you read, remember the only thing worse than having no confidence is being too confident.
I was never really that confident as a child. Having moved countries at 3 I just learned speaking one language when I realised people on the streets are speaking something else. When I was only 5 that became even more prominent in nursery and kids being kids they didn’t like it. I remember this girl like it was yesterday who would mock me everyday for the way I spoke and who made me speak less and less because I didn’t wanna trigger anymore of this. I also remember the day when my older sister came to nursery to have a little chat with her, after what she never ever even looked at me again (thank God for older siblings). You might wonder why is this important? Well, even though who we are now isn’t the same who we are at the age of 5, I still to this date remember that girl, and that means something. She surely affected who I was years to follow, but thanks to the fact that I realised this and learned to work on how I am I modelled my behaviour and the development of confidence. I learned that in life you need to fight your own battles as older sis won’t always tell of people in your life.
I stopped being a quiet shy girl when I started getting better at school, the better I was, more I wanted to achieve, and the same goes for physical appearance. The more grooming I did, the better I felt, and that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t leave the house without makeup, it just means that if you look clean and polished at most times when leaving house, you are more likely to feel better in your skin, and to emit this confidence aura.
Success leads to confidence, but other way around too. In order to be confident you just have to have achieved something. I kind of went through my most awkward age- also known as teenage years in a similar way, not too confident but also knowing myself well. I still had people mocking how I speak, what I do, but I knew that this does not define who I am. If I get A in maths, and someone tells me its because I kissed the teachers a*s, well… lets just say it was time to ditch people who could not celebrate success, but tried to find their in devaluating mine. There is a lot of that kind.
At 18 I moved countries, I started university and my life changed completely. This was the most important step in building confidence, and when I realised what it takes to get it. Comfort zone is your enemy number one in life. I had absolutely everything at the age 17 at home, I had best friends, I had my studying system in place which worked very well, I knew where to shop, how to dress, who to speak to, and I had my family around me- basically anything I needed in life. Moving to country where I had to study pretty complicated matter in a foreign language, to make new friends, to get to know the city in which I lived, where to shop, where to eat, how to cook, how do exams work, and many more things. That is when I realised that every day my confidence was growing. As I was going through one hardship to another and conquered them one by one, I realised that I felt better about myself the more persistent I was to have a good life. I realised that confidence isn’t writing a Facebook status which says “Im so hot, all mothers should lock their sons when I am in the club #heartbreaker”, its believing in yourself at anytime. Knowing that you are a person which can go through a lot and win most of the battles. The ones you lose you will take as an example to learn from.
Getting out of your comfort zone doesn’t mean just moving a country, it also means saying things you wouldn’t otherwise say, asking for help when you are shy to do so, speaking to more people, smiling at that lady in the supermarket or going on a holiday by yourself. It can be anything different from what you are already doing routinely every morning. To this day I am learning to ask for help more, it is something I struggle with the most and often realise I have to much on my back because I am too shy to ask.
Being a confident person also means being kind person, so yes, all those mean girls, girls who don’t talk to you or who mistreat you are pretty much doing that because they are not confident. Being a confident person also means helping other people, because you know that no one is your competition, not because you are the best, but because we are all unique, different and good in different things.
There is of course more to confidence, and like I said above being overconfident is much worse than having no confidence.
Why is being too confident bad you might think now. Well, lets just say that being too confident makes you a fool, you can never be too prepared for everything that life throws at you, so don’t challenge it by thinking you are invincible. Huge part of this is knowledge. The more we know the more confident we are, but the more we think we know, we just get that confidence which isn’t backed by anything at all. I think its very unattractive when people think they know everything, and that is simple, the more you know, the the more you realise how you didn’t know a lot before…So just imagine how much there is that you don’t even know you don’t know haha, confused?
So what happened when I got employed for the first time, did I find it hard? I found it as hard as it can be, but I knew that this new place out of my comfort zone will help me become a better person. I found it really hard telling people what to do, which is what you are supposed to do if you are their boss. I was always on the other side of authority, in the school, university, gym… But I learned something from that boy who called me Bosnian in my school in Serbia while all the other kids were laughing. I learned that people usually act stupid when there is nothing in them to feel good about, and I applied that on the work. The moment he stopped bullying me was the moment when I started laughing at his stupid remarks, and he got pretty upset. Well, who’s laughing now? Pretty sure it isn’t him.
I am writing this for people of all ages, because bullying my dear friends doesn’t stop at school, it goes further to university and then to work if you don’t learn how to carry yourself confidently. That confidence comes from self development, with education, age and also with care you put in your self. You need to love yourself exactly how you are, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put time in what you look like, what is your body, hair or skin like. People are being mistreated everywhere in the world at marriage, school or work just because they don’t know how to deal with it. Its not about showing teeth getting angry or causing mess and then claiming all those over confident stuff not even you believe, its about knowing who you are, appreciating it, not holding grudges, not comparing yourself and just loving everything around you. Because the moment you learn to love who you are, what you look like, you will love every single day of your life.
——————————————————————————————————————–
Kljuc do uspeha lezi u samopouzdanju. Ovo sam dokazala previse puta u zivotu, u skoli, na fakultetu, na poslu pa i u privatnom zivotu. Vase samopouzdanje se oseti u svemu sto radite, nacinu na koji hodate, pricate, kako se ponasate prema ljudima pa i kako se oni ponasaju prema vama. U zavisnosti na ono kako se osecate javi se neka nevidljiva aura koja utice na bas sve. Ispricacu vam moju pricu o samopouzdanju i sta ja mislim da je najbolje za njegovu izgradnju, ali pre nego sto procitate zapamtite, jedina stvar gora od nemanja samopouzdanja je imanje samopouzdanja u nerealno velikim kolicinama.
Nisam imala mnogo samopouzdanja u detinjstvu. S obzirom da smo se preselili u drugu zemlju kada sam imala samo tri godine tek sto sam propricala jedan jezik primetila sam da se na ulicama te zemlje prica drugi. Sa 5 godina je ova razlika postala jako bitna, jer sam krenua u vrtic i nekoj deci se to nije dopadalo. Secam se jedne devojcice kao da je bilo juce, svaki dan bi mi se rugala zbog nacina na koji govorim, vredjala me i smejala se, zbog cega sam sve manje i manje pricala kako ne bih izazvala jos ovakvih uvreda. Sve do kad moja starija sestra nije dosla u vrtic po mene, kako bi bas sa njom imala manji razgovor, posle toga mi se nikada nije obratila (zivele starije sestre). Pitate se zasto je ovo bitno? Pa, iako ko sam danas nije isto sa onim ko sam bila pre 20 godina, ja se i dan danas secam ove devojcice, sto sigurno nesto znaci. Sigurno je uticala na razvoj mene i na ono kako sam se ponasala par godina kasnije, ali zahvaljujuci ovom dogadjaju shvatila sam da moram da razvijem samopouzdanje kako bih sama osvajala svoje bitke.
Prestala sam biti stidljiva i tiha kada sam postala bolja u skoli. Sto sam vise postizala, ciljala sam na vise, bolje ocene, rezultate i isto je i u slucaju fizickog izgleda. Sto sam vise vremena ulagala u svoj izgled, bolje sam se osecala, ali to ne znaci da ne bih napustila kucu bez sminke, vec da uredan i cist izgled podrazueva da cete se osecati bolje u svojoj kozi, te da cete to emitovatii na ostale.
Uspeh vodi do samopouzdanja, ali i suprotno. Da biste imali samopouzdanje morate postici nesto. Ja sam prosla kroz pubertet na slican nacin, nisam bila preuverena u sebe, ali sam znala ko sam i cvrsto zauzimala svoj stav. I dalje je bilo ljudi koji su mi se rugali zbog ovoga ili onoga, ali sam ja tada znala da oni ne odredjuje ko sam i sta sam ja. Ako dobijem A iz matemarike, a neko mi kaze da je to zato sto sam se ulizivala profesorici…recimo da onda makar znam da je vreme da iz svog zivota eliminisem ljude koji ne znaju da postuju uspeh, vec koji grade svoj tako sto omalovazavaju tudji. Takve vrste ljudi ima mnogo, prilicno su bezopasni ukoliko verujete u sebe.
Sa 18 godina sam se preselila u drugu zemlju, pocela sam fakultet i moj se zivot potpuno promenio. Ovo je bio najbitniji korak u izgradnji samopouzdanja, tada sam shvatila sta je sve potrebno. Cuvena zona komforta je neprijatelj broj jedan u vasem zivotu. Sto ste duze u njoj samopouzdanje ce vam biti manje. Ja sam imala sve sto mi je trebalo, pa i vise sa 17 godina, dom, prijatelje, poznavanje svog grada, sistem ucenja koji je odlicno funkcionisao, znala sam gde da jedem, kupujem, sta da radim, da bih sve to ostavila iza sebe i odselila se van svoje zone komforta. U novom gradu morala sam da ucim teske predmete na stranom jeziku, da steknem nove prijatelje, da se borim za sebe, snalazim, otkrijem grad, prilagodin sistemu ucenja, da kuvam i zivim na drugaciji nacin. Tada sam shvatila da svaki dan moje samopouzdanje sve vise i vise raste. Kako sam prolazila kroz izazove, shvatila sam da se osecam sve bolje i bolje u vezi sebe i da postajem sve upornija u zamisli da mogu da imam dobar zivot bilo gde na svetu.
Shvatila sam da imati samopouzdanje ne znaci staviti sliku na Facebook sa drugaricama i ispod nje napisati “Najlepse smo, cuvajte se veceras slamacice srca dolaze”, vec da je to iskljucivo vera u sebe u bilo kojoj situaciji. To je spoznaja da bez obzira kroz sta prodjete i sta vas saceka iza coska, mozete osojiti vecinu bitki. One koje izgubite sluzice vam kao primer da iz njih naucite.
Izlazenje iz rutine i zone udobnosti ne znaci samo preseliti se u drugu zemlju, to takodje moze znaciti da radite stvari koje u suprotnom ne bi, razgovarate sa vise ljudi, osmehnete se zeni u supermarketu, ili otputujete sami. Moze biti bilo sta sto je drugacije od vase svakodnevne jutarnje rutine. Ja i dalje ucim da trazim pomoc vise, to je ono na cemu treba da radim, jer cesto sebe opteretim gomilom nepotrebnih stvari jer me je sramota da pitam.
Biti samouverena osoba takodje znaci biti dobar prema drugima, tako da jeste, sve one zlobne devojke, devojke koje vam se rugaju ili smeju uglavnom ovo rade da bi lecile svoj manjak samopouzdanja. Biti samouveren takodje znaci pomagati drugim ljudima, jer znate da vam niko nije suparnik. Ne zato sto ste najbolji na svetu, vec zato sto cenite razlike medju vama i znate da ima mesta za sve.
Naravno, samopouzdanje je kompleksna tema o kojoj bih vam mogla mnogo vise pisati, ali kao sto sam gore rekla, mnogo je gore imati previse samopouzdanja nego nemati ga uopste. Mislim da kada previse verujete u sebe to vas na neki nacin cini budalom, jer nikada ne mozete biti previse spremni na ono sto zivot baci u vasem pravcu. Veliki deo ovoga je i znanje. Sto vise znamo, imamo vise samopouzdanja,ali sto vise mislimo da znamo dobijamo lazno samopouzdanje koje kao podlogu ima samo lazno znanje. Najgore od svega je kada ljudi misle da znaju sve, a sto vise ucimo, to vise shvatamo da ima toliko toga sto jos ne znamo… Zamislite samo koliko toga ima sto ni ne znamo da ne znamo, zbunjeni?
Dakle, sta se desilo kada sam dobila prvi posao nakon diplomiranja? Pre toga sam imala skoro 10 razlicitih poslova kao student, ali ovaj mi je bio posebno tezak. Ipak, znala sam da ce mi to pomoci da postanem bolja osoba. Bilo mi je tesko da govorim ljudima sta da rade, sto je bio deo mog posla, jer na poziciji sefa ili menadzera, podrazumeva se i delegiranje. Uvek sam bila na drugoj strani autoriteta, tako da mi je u pocetku bilo tesko da se snadjem u novoj poziciji. Vrlo brzo shvatila sam da sam naucila nesto od decaka koji mi se smejao u osnovnoj skoli zato sto sam rodjena u Bosni, dok su se sva druga deca smejala. Naucila sam da se ljudi ponasaju glupo samo kada u sebi nemaju nista sto ih cini da se osecaju dobro i to primenila kasnije. Onog trenutka kada sam prestala da se obazirem na njegovo ponasanje i nasmejala mu se u facu, on je prestao da me zadirkuje. Ko se zadnji smeje…znate i sami.
Ovo pisem za ljude svih godina, jer maltretiranje se ne zavrsava u skoli, nastavlja se dalje na fakultetu, pa poslu ukoliko ne naucite da cenite sebe. Samopouzdanje je rezultat sopstvenog razvica, dolazi sa obrazovanjem, godinama i vremenom koje ulozite u sebe. Morate voleti sebe bas onakve kakvi jeste, ali to ne znaci da ne treba ulagati vremena u fizicki izgled. Bas naprotiv, izgled vase koze, tela i kose utice direktno na to kako se osecate. Mnogo ljudi prolazi kroz mentalno maltretiranje u skoli, na poslu ili u vezi jer ne umeju da se izbore sa time. Ne radi se o tome da treba da pokazete zube ili se svadjate nakon cega sebe ubedite u to lazno samopouzdanje. Treba da upoznate sebe, svoje mane i vrline, da verujete u sebe, cenite i volite bas sve sto ima veze sa vama a i oko vas. Onog momenta kada naucite da volite svoju licnost i svoj fizicki izgled, volecete i svaki dan svog zivota.
